What Fit Actually Looks Like
One of my friends recently entered the world of online dating, and she was lamenting to me about the body standards that some of the men post in their profiles. “They say they want a woman who is fit,” she says. “But I know what fit is code for. It’s code for skinny.” My friend is tall and active. She runs almost every day. She’s very fit. And yet, she suspects that her plus-sized body proportions would be off-putting to someone seeking a partner with a “fit” body. And I have a sinking feeling that she might be right.
What she said really stuck with me, because I’ve been on my own journey in accepting what fit looks like for me. I talk the talk . . . I gave my friend quite a pep talk about how athletic and awesome she is. But internally, I have been accepting the same fit = skinny mindset for my body as well. It’s hard not too. We live in a society where someone who is thin is described as having a dancer’s body, even when that thin person may get winded after two minutes on a dance floor. Someone like my husband, who is naturally muscular, is described as having an athletic build . . . even though the man hasn’t done a push-up in years and eats a pint of Ben and Jerry’s before bed most nights. I have some friends who might be described as “fit” by appearances, but I’m pretty sure I could run circles around them.
I have had varying levels of physical fitness in my life, but my body has never looked like an athlete or a dancer (at least, what the world tells me an athlete or dancer should look like). I was a theater major in college, taking several grueling dance classes a week, and yet I still lost out on being cast in the chorus of certain musicals because I was one of the “bigger” girls in the company. After I got married, I gained a couple pounds every year, regardless of whether I was working out or sedentary. I would go through seasons of being very active, and seasons of not doing anything, because the gym visits never seemed to make much of a difference in my appearance.
Finally, two years ago, I agreed to train for a half-marathon with a group of friends. We were raising money for a birthing center in Haiti. While I was excited about the cause, I have to admit that the idea of kicking my butt into shape with distance running was a huge motivator for me. I knew that I was up for the task, and I began to fantasize about how my body would transform as I trained. I even started making projections about it. I couldn’t wait to be able to run in those short running shorts once my legs toned up. I couldn’t wait to not worry about my muffin top once I’d run a half-marathon and become lithe and lean. I couldn’t wait to show off my new body at the conference I had scheduled just weeks after the big race.
For three months, I trained with extreme discipline. I ran according to schedule, and the week before the race I ran 13 miles. When the day of the race came, I ran the half-marathon comfortably. So comfortably, in fact, that when I got to 13.1 miles, I considered continuing and running the full marathon, because I really felt like I could keep going. I felt great. I was in the best shape of my life.
____
And yet . . . the scale did not move. My body looked exactly the same three months into rigorous training. I was in the best shape of my life, and yet I was still at the highest weight of my life. Sure, my legs were stronger and a bit more muscular, but I still had the same pesky muffin-top, the same concerning flab on my arms, and the same chaffing of inner-thigh fat when I ran. Those Nike shorts I envisioned myself in? That never happened.
I tried really hard to be happy with the fitness goals I had met, but it was hard not to feel disappointed that externally, I looked the same. I was a bit comforted when a group of us who had all run the race went to the hot-tub that evening. We had all trained and completed the race, but we all had very different body types. Some of my friends had finished the full marathon. Some hadn’t run at all. And yet, by looking at us, one certainly couldn’t have determined who was in the best running shape by the ways our bodies looked. I tried to remind myself that not everyone looks like an athlete . . . and that I should just be satisfied with what fit looks like for me. But the truth is, I wasn’t satisfied at all.
The day after that half-marathon, a couple of us flew down to Haiti. An earthquake happened. Our adopted son came home. Life was rearranged and I failed to maintain the fitness I had worked so hard for. In part, because there was stress and transition and PTSD to deal with. But if I’m honest, in part because a part of me didn’t really feel like trying if the results weren’t going to be visible.
Fast-forward a year and a half, and at the beginning of this summer I decided it was time to take care of my body again. Life with four small kids was taking a toll on me, and I knew that I needed to exercise to help with my anxiety and my declining energy levels. For the month of June, I went on The Fresh Diet, a delivery system of healthy, low-calorie food. I also signed up for a P90x class at my gym. I was excited about how the healthy food and daily workouts would make me feel, but that wasn’t enough. Once again, I began projecting into the future about how my body would look. I imagined myself wearing shorts again. I envisioned being more comfortable in my skin at our annual fourth of July party. I pictured myself comfortable in a swimsuit, wearing a smaller size in my jeans, buying a sleeveless dress for the BlogHer conference . . . again, I was finding motivation in the external benefits.
I’m six weeks into my P90x program. I was faithful on the diet for 30 days, and then continued healthy eating. I’ve been working out like crazy in the program in my gym. I can do pull-ups. I can make it through the Plyo routine without stopping. I have endurance and energy, and I feel great.
But the scale? That number is the same. My BMI? Still in the overweight category. My jeans? Same size. That muffin-top? Still securely in place.
I was having a particularly discouraging night about these facts last week, when the P90x program I’m in took our most recent weights and measurements. My trainers were surprised by my results (or lack thereof), and I was pretty down about it. I logged into Pinterest that evening, and saw this picture on our Curvy Girl Guide inspiration board:
Each one of these women is an Olympic athlete. Let's challenge the notion that thinness is the only indicator of health and fitness. Unless you have the build for it, exercise won't magically make you a size 2, but it will make you stronger and feel amazing no matter what your size.
THIS. I needed this.
Oh, how I would love this story to end with me, running up a flight of stairs to the Rocky theme song, obvious to how I look and basking in the glory of how fit I truly am. Unfortunately, I’m not there yet. But I’m working on accepting what fit looks like for me.
No related articles.
Kristen is the mom of four children within four years via birth and adoption, and has been blogging at Rage Against the Minivan as a coping skill since 2004. Here, you might find musings about the impact of the skinny jean on Kristen's self-esteem, her tendency to spill food on her laptop, and her inappropriate crush on Jon Stewart. 
So…you mean even if I exercise my butt off…I won’t really exercise my butt off? Or my flabby arms? Or my pluffy stomach? :P
I absolutely love this and needed this myself. I was a dancer for 12 years. I was never the stick thin ballerina type but I was still the best damn ballerina in my class. When I would tell people that I was a ballerina (as well as pointe, jazz and tap dancer) they would always look me up and down with my whole 5’2 and large chest and say, oh ok. It was devastating. I think you have inspired my next Embrace Your Body post this Friday. Thank you for this! =)
I have struggled for years with my weight and body image. I am on one diet after another, and never fully satisfied with the numbers on the scale, or the number of my jeans, and there is always someone who is more fit or more thin than I am. Sadly, I am not confident unless I’m at a certain weight. It’s sad how much this issue dictates how I am in certain situations.
FABULOUS insight. I was just thinking about this while I was jogging this morning. If I could just make it four miles a day, or five or six, I’d be thinner… but that’s such BS b/c unless I live on fruits, veggies, and lean protein, and NOTHING ELSE, my weight stays where it is. Add breastfeeding to that, and I’m screwed. Plus, who wants to give up wine to lose pounds? not me!
Thank you Kristin. :) You needed that picture today, and I needed your post. I’ve been working on a “lifestyle change” (yes, through a big name company) since March and it’s incredibly slow and frustrating. Sometimes you just need a little push. :)
This came at a fantastic time. I had this EXACT conversation with my husband last night, bemoaning that I’ve been exercising and eating well FOR YEARS with no visible change on my body or on the scale.
Thank you so much for putting this far more elequoently than I was able to last night.
We must be related somehow. I’m going through the same thing. I’ve decided I want to train for the senior Olympic games. I’m not eligible for another 3 years but figured it’s never too early to start training. I’ve been eating really healthy for the last 2 months and swimming 4 or 5 days a week. When I started the 2nd week of June, I could barely finish 50m without stopping. Now, I can go at least 500m and feel great. But the scale won’t BUDGE! I’m either up or down the same stinkin’ 3 pounds. I’m so frustrated with the lack of movement in the scale or how my clothes fit. And I’m getting married in less than 3 months and was hoping my dress wouldn’t fit quite so tight. But I will continue to plod on and the body will do what the body will do. I guess I will be a fit fat person and learn to live with it.
This couldn’t have come at a more perfect time. I’ve been training hard for a long distance bike race and my weight has stayed the same (I have lost some inches in the waist). However my thighs have gotten BIGGER due to the muscles I’ve grown for cycling. It kills me, but I do know that I am fit.
Thank you, thank you! I’ve told friends for years that watching what I eat and exercising ( 5 hours or more a week) to lose weight doesn’t work FOR ME. I even told my Dr. that and she looked at me like I was a nut. When I was at my fittest, I was exactly the same as you- same weight, same measurements, same everything- and it was SO disappointing to know that the work I was putting into making my body change wasn’t helping.
I needed a little motivation to start exercising again, and I think this post might have done it. So again, THANK YOU!
The thing I find odd is that we can see fit in others, but in ourselves we’re so damned harsh.
I’m just the same way- trying to accept what, I presume, is what I’m supposed to look like, even if it’s not the self that I ideally imagine that buys cute sleeveless dresses.
I just wanted to tell everyone about a book I read that really changed my outlook on my weight. It is called “Women, Food, and God” by author Geneen Roth. Yes it was a book featured on Oprah as well. It is a great book. And im not one to go out and buy a book because it was on Oprah. I actually don’t like to read. But something in the back of my mind told me to get this one.
Give it a read. I promise you won’t be sorry.
“I am beautiful because I am me”
I will never be “skinny”, unless I start doing meth; and that ain’t gonna happen!
When I was exercising 7-days a week (6 days of alternating weight training and Tae-Bo, bicycling on the 7th day) I was not skinny. I lost weight, but not much of it and I did lose a few inches. BUT, I never got “skinny”.
And that’s okay, because then I decided that, you know what? I don’t want to be skinny! I want to be thick, strong and healthy! I want to be formidable! And skinny ain’t formidable!
I decided that if a guy wants a skinny girl, then I don’t want him. I want a guy that wants a girl that can hold her own; and I found him! And he loves every inch of me!
Can’t tell you how much I identify with this article! I was an athlete/dancer through college, then my fitness level plummeted as I continued eating bad foods, had little exercise and had 3 kids.
I’ve gone through various periods of eating right and exercising but would get out of routine due to the various life situations. I’m currently working on eating the right things again and have started Couch to 5K… and I have the same motivators looming out in the distance. Sleeveless shirts. Shorts, not just capris. Fitting into some of my clothes that are a smaller size. Sure, energy level, better health, longer life – those are also motivators, but they’re the ones I’m allowed to say without sounding vain. And the truth is that they’re not on the top of the list. How I look is on the top of the list.
I don’t know what will ever be enough. When I was on a college dance team and exercising for hours every day, I was still seen as not skinny enough, even though I had a tight little body. I’m 4’10″ and weighed 105 back then – and was considered overweight. I’m muscular, have a short/thick torso and lots of curves – I didn’t look like a “dancer” with long, thin limbs and no profile. I looked like a stacked gymnast.
What’s crazy is that I look at photos of me back then and OMG I was smokin hot!! How could anyone look at me back then and say I wasn’t skinny enough?
So now my body has changed, and even with hours of exercise every day (don’t have the time for it), only ever eating 100% healthy foods (unrealistic) AND surgery (I can’t afford it), I could never *look* fit the way I want to. I’ve dealt with that for a long time, thinking that it’s just because I haven’t put the work in yet – once I really commit, I can get hot again. But I think I’m going to have to change my definition of hot, and that is so, so hard.
My husband thinks I’m hot, so what other guys think isn’t an issue for me, but I want to be able to wear the clothes I want to wear. I want to wear a swimsuit without constantly pulling and tugging on it. I’m sick of not being able to wear 75% of the clothes in stores because they don’t adequately disguise my “had 3 babies and 2 c-sections” belly ABOMINATION. That’s right, I wish God would smite that sucker. That’s a huge discouragement, honestly. I can work out like crazy, eat perfectly and even if every other part of my body snapped back into shape, what surgery and pregnancy did to my stomach will never revert, not without more surgery. Blah.
So in a few months when I’m doing my first 5K, am I going to be satisfied with how I look? I hope so.
Amen, sister!
Oh, I get you. Thank you for writing this because it makes me feel SO MUCH BETTER. Last year I ran five half-marathons along with a bazillion 10ks and a smattering of other races. But at every race, well-meaning folks would say, “Aw, is this your first race?” because certainly someone as big as I am couldn’t be a seasoned runner. Even my mom told me, “Well, you clearly aren’t running TOO much because aren’t runners all tall and skinny?” (Um, no I can’t make myself grow taller!)
Geez, sounds like something my mother would say!
It’s taken me a long time to realize that even if I worked out every day and stopped eating all together I am never going to be a delicate sort of skinny. My build is what it is. I’m woefully out of shape and need to get on a path to being a fit version of what I am. Thanks for this post, I’m sure it means everything to a lot of people out there.
What a great post! I’m part of the Lansing Derby Vixens roller derby team and am going to share this with my teammates. We run the gamut on sizes, from Itty Bitty to the Big Girls Club and everything in between. And you know what? Each and every one of us is fit. Very fit. We practice for two hours at a time, three days a week, plus off-skates training and our actual bouts! It takes a lot of work to build the strength and endurance to skate for an hour knockin’ people down!
Some of the team have lost weight, some gained, bodies have sometimes changed shapes but not shed pounds. I love knowing that I don’t have to be supermodel skinny to be considered “perfect” for my role as a blocker!
In derby, a bigger body is better to block the other team’s jammer and stands up to a lot of hits before it goes down! A smaller body can sprint thru the pack, zipping between the other team and race back around to score points. No matter the body type, we are all valued for what we can do, not what the scale or silhouette says!
All sizes *are* important. If we all looked the same it would be boring, much as if we all had the same talents or intelligence. Our differences make us beautiful and useful in different situations.
Love this!
Awesome post! And so times, I just finished venting about how everyone I meet when I go home to Italy comment on my weight. They don’t seem to notice that my skin is clear, without the pounds of foundation and coverage they are wearing, because I eat lots of fresh fruits and veggies, take walks on the hills where the air is clean, and keep alcohol to a minimum.
They don’t see that I lift my 5 year old and carry her without struggling if she gets hurt or fell asleep in the car, because yoga may not shrink my thighs, but it keeps my arms and core strong.
They don’t see ME. They just see something that doesn’t fit with their small-minded idea of what *I*, what everyone should look like, and feel they have the right to judge. Out loud. Like its their duty to let me know that I am a lot heavier than I was 15 years ago – ’cause surely, without their brilliant observation I never would have noticed.
*timely* not “times”.
Sorry. it’s late on my side of the world :-)
YES! THIS!
Sorry to be so shouty, but this is exactly my story. It’s so frustrating to work out, eat right, try hard and see ABSOLUTELY NO DIFFERENCE in your weight, the way your clothes fit, or your shape. When I try to talk to people about it they either think I’m lying about what I eat or not working out enough (5 days a week: apparently not enough). It makes me want to give up completely and just sit on the couch – because I’d look the same regardless. What gets me off the couch is knowing that at least I’m trying to be as fit as I can be.
I won’t be the first or last to be insecure about his or her body image. Nor am I unique in sometimes feeling guilty for eating. This article, and the picture really helps me to have a more positive perspective on what “fit” means.
It’s tragic that we don’t afford ourselves the same compassion and support we have for others.
Great post.
I was a ballet dancer for 14 years and I was always the big girl in my class. Since that time I have been every size from 0 to 16. I have been seriously underweight and I have been definitely overweight. I know how to make myself look “fit” but the great irony is that to do that, I have to treat my body horribly, and do things that make me the opposite of fit.
I’m still learning each day to love my body for what it is. I’m learning that exercise is not just about weight or pant size and that being fit isn’t really about a number on a scale or a tag on my jeans. And someday I’ll truly love my body for being fit, even if fit doesn’t look like I always imagined it would be.
LOVE!!!!
Pingback: #42. Why I’ll Never be a Bikini Model (and Why That’s Okay). « Foodie Ink.
I was so incredibly moved by your piece. My heart breaks for you. I too started running two years ago but saw wonderful results (the results I needed). But it definently was not until after I had my girls and got back into shape that I was able to embrace my body for what it is (not a size 2) and I love it the way it is. I hope, so very hope, that you find what works for you and I hope that it brings you what you need!!!! Cause I don’t know about you but I didn’t see ANY fat girls in that running picture. Hang in there – Laverne
Thank you. Thank you. THANK YOU! It recently hit me that I have not been under 200 lbs for over 10 years. Ouch. I KNEW I was overweight, but just didn’t realize how long it had been. I’ve tried many things and the last time I was SOOOO close to breaking back into the 100s I was going through my separation/divorce. That was 6 years ago. I’ve been trying to get back into the dating scene and as your friend had said – “fit” translates to thin and/or skinny on the dating sites. It’s discouraging because I know I’m a fun person and a great partner – if someone would give me a chance. But then… will I always wonder “why” they were with me if I didn’t get my self confidence under control.
This year I’ve made a lot of changes in my life. #1 was to get myself in shape. For the last three months I’ve done the ChaLean Extreme program 5-6 days a week (kind of like P90X but not AS intense). I’ve also walked or rode my bike daily – even jogged a few times. My eating habits are COMPLETELY different – can you say quinoa? Never heard of it, but it’s now part of my diet along with salmon, broccoli and salad without ranch dressing. I’ve NEVER stuck with something so completely and even though I know it didn’t go on over night and won’t go off over night, I thought I’d have much more significant changes. Over 3 months I lost 7 lbs. That’s it. Seven effing pounds!
BUT…. I stand taller, I smile more. I lost 20 inches over all. That hasn’t really changed much in my clothes believe it or not, but what I have LOOKS better because it actually fits or is a smidge looser. I hate that I felt like I needed to get “fit” to even be included in the dating game. My pride insisted that the right guy would fall for me as I am. I want to be in a relationship again. I want to know that even as I’m closing in on 38 there’s still hope to meet that someone and have a child before it’s too late.
It took having a little come to Jesus talk with myself to remember that in the end, it’s all about ME. I don’t hate myself in the mirror anymore because I finally stopped seeing what I THOUGHT other people saw when they look at me. Now I just see me. I’m healthy, I’m not on any medications, I can run a flight of stairs and I can do bicep curls with 25 lbs dumbbells. Hell to the yeah – I’m curvy AND fit.
This article is fab & look at all the comments & people that have identified with you. I struggle with my weight and I’m at my heaviest just now. I can shed a few pounds but I can’t change my body shape. I will always have chunky thighs & a big bum. I will never have a tiny waist. But I’m learning to love the body I have and not always envy the body I want.
Your half marathon is a fantastic achievement, as is looking after 4 young kids. You should be very proud!
WOW! Thank you for writing this! I so relate! And it’s funny because I too am training for a half-marathon and I have thought about what I might look like in November for the race. I needed this reality check. I need to stop dreaming about wearing running shorts because I think my thighs will always rub. I know I am extremely “fit” right now, but if you put me in a bathing suit, others wouldn’t agree. It’s nice to know that there’s someone out there just like me! Thank you again!
Pingback: The Anvil Tree » OH, HAI! HORMONES; I HAZ DEM.
I get this, so much. I am on my feet all day long at work and when with friends hiking or just moving stuff around they are more often than not sweating and winded. I try not to let it bother me, but it does. I have found that if I dress for my body type you can see the hourglass figure that I have, and not all hourglasses were the same size…right?
Oh, the siren song of distance training. i know it all too well.
It sounds like you are doing lots of stuff to be healthy – whether that means a size 2 or not. So good for you, my friend.
And as someone who knows you in person, you always look amazing to me. Also, i can diet all I want and I still won’t have your gorgeous face! xo
great post! have you checked other health issues? If you’re healthily trying to lose weight and not seeing results with diet and exercise there can be other reasons your body is not allowing you to lose weight. I can totally relate to the hope of a body change after lots of training–I trained and ran a full marathon 2 years ago and did not drop 1 pound or change sizes and am training for a full triathlon this summer and not seeing results..working hard at feeling happy by lots of energy and not the scale :)
Wow, you don’t know how much I needed to read this tonight. I ran my first 5k two weeks ago. I’ve been running faithfully 3-4 times per week, with weight training in between days. I’ve been way more active than I ever have been. I feel totally fit and very accomplished. BUT…I haven’t lost a pound. Not a one. I too, still have that muffin top. I can’t wear shorts when I run either. It’s enough to make you want to give up. But, then I see the picture…especially of the basketball player…that’s my build to the tee. And she’s an olympian for crying out loud. Thank you…thank you!!
Fantastic and true article. Thank you!
I can’t tell you how much this spoke to me. If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were reading my diary. Thank you for posting this. It made me feel like I’m not alone. There are others out there who are trying to accept who they are and who just aren’t going to be a size 2 no matter what. I can’t tell you how much this resonated with me and gave me peace. Thank you!!!
Hey girl…I had the SAME problem when I started on my weight loss journey in Jan. I was working out 5 days a week, eating prob similar to what you do (clean eating…I recommend their magazine and there is a 2 week meal plan in the back) and even consulting with a trainer here and there to make sure I was doing the right things. The scale DID. NOT. BUDGE for TWO MONTHS!!! I eventually began to see changes in my body, but still, no movement on the scale. Eventually I finally saw the numbers drop and have lost 15 lbs. You are on the right track and you will eventually see change. JUST KEEP GOING! Great job!!!
Not to pry, but have you seen a doctor about this? Your weight or measurements don’t change after a half marathon or P90X?
I agree that fit doesn’t always mean skinny, but are you sure you don’t have some sort of metabolic problem? Just a thought. I will never be a bikini model either and plenty of people would say I look fit, even. Everyone carries their weight differently. Good for you for taking care of yourself.
Yep! Had a full blood panel. No thyroid, hormonal, or other medical issues. Just a crappy metabolism, apparently.
Yes! Absolutely!! I remember training for a marathon (walking, not running – bad joints) and not losing any weight at all. Very disheartening.
I had surgery a couple years ago that really threw my body into a loop and I’m in the worst shape of my life. Ironically, now that I live in Liberia, my big ass is HUGELY popular. Just last night I was with a man who would not stop talking about how beautiful I am. I get hit on all the time and both men and women admire my body. They see the long strides I take as I hurry about and total strangers click their tongues and say, “Wow, so strong! Beautiful woman! American Loma!” (Loma is a tribe in northern Liberia that has women admired for their derrieres. They also do clitoridectomies on girls, as a side note, so there are definite limits to my cultural assimilation.)
But I don’t feel beautiful because I’m not skinny. But I don’t put effort into fitness because I know I will never be skinny (and yes, there is a thyroid issue). And that is BS! I need to be fit because I am strong and I need to rediscover that. And maybe then I’ll believe a country of people telling me how beautiful I am.
This made my day! Yep, black men have always been attracted to my, ahem, larger curves (and black women have always given me those approving nods too!). Great reminder– it’s all cultural. 400 years ago, renaissance artists would have wanted to paint me naked!
I remember taking a nutrition class in college. The professor talked about people having a “set weight”, meaning the general 5-10pound range of weight that our bodies tend to stay in regardless of diet and exercise. It seems accurate in my life. For the last 15 years (I’m 37) I have fluctuated between healthy eating + consistent exercise and unhealthy eating and minimal or no exercise and I weigh the same that I did back then. And really I like sweets, wine, all sorts of cheese, etc. I was even sick several years ago, went through chemotherapy for cancer and though I lost 15 pounds during the worst of my treatments, my pants size never changed and the weight quickly came back up after my appetite and energy levels increased. It seems that if I really wanted to make drastic changes to my weight/size I would HAVE to work out 4-5 hours a day and eat next to nothing. No thank you. Thats what the celebrities get paid for right?? Have you read “Why French women don’t get fat?” It gave me a different perspective on truly enjoying food (and life) and also not obsessing so much about weight/size.
Thank you for this! I love hearing I’m not the only one struggling with what “fit”ness is for me!! Sometimes it can be very frustrating.
I TOTALLY GET THIS. I do tae kwon do, but when people see that I’m 5′ 5″ and 180 lbs, they smirk. Clearly I look more “Kung Fu Panda” than “Karate Kid.” But I am strong and fast. And I’m still trying to accept what “fit” looks like for me, too.
I loved reading your post. I am a fitness trainer, and I have had conversations with more clients than you can imagine about this exact same topic. I work with beautiful, strong women every day–and it kills me because NONE of them consider themselves to have their ideal body type. My training philosophy is very specific, and I know that a certain type of training does maximize results when it comes to fat loss (notice I did not say “weight loss”, the scale is a lousy measure of your fitness!!). I also know from my own experience and from working with clients, that consistency and persistence also increases results–both with fitness and nutrition.
The BEST part of my job is seeing clients change the way they FEEL about themselves. Too often we focus on looking good, and we forget that it FEELS GOOD to feel good! To me, “fit” means strong and confident, no matter what your body looks like. I find that once my clients become stronger, they surprise themselves by doing things they never thought they could do. And that is empowering. In turn, that empowered feeling leads to increased motivation and dedication. In the end, my clients with the best results are the ones who take pleasure in how good it feels to be strong. An added bonus is the fact that a strong, healthy body looks amazing, and confidence is the VERY very best accessory. So for me, strong + confident = beautiful.
Thank you for your post. I hope you continue to enjoy the changes you’ve made to your lifestyle and the sense of accomplishment that brings, in addition to the visual changes you’ll see :-)
I’ve managed 2 triathlons and a 10k without my weight changing. I’m now trying a new “revolutionary” exercise program. I did it for a month with no change, my husband did it for a week and he looks like a greek god. It’s frustrating to say the least.
thanks ths is very helpful
Wow I needed to hear this! I am sharing it with the women in my life!
there is a lot of new (well, newish) research coming out which totally discounts the food pyramid and the idea that weight loss is solely linked to calories in/calories out. All that we’ve been taught about “eating healthy” and how to exercise for weight loss is being called into question… and after seeing amazing results for myself, I’m fully on board. Eating Paleo (also known as the Paleolithic or Primal diet) may challenge what we’ve all learned, but it makes sense scientifically and I have never lost weight more easily in my life (or felt more energy!). I was like all of you, fit but curvy and no amount of “healthy”, low-calorie, organic eating made a bit of difference in my wt. loss. This new lifestyle of eating along with my 3x/week Crossfit workouts has allowed me to lose 22lbs in 3 months and I’m still dropping! Yes, this is new to me and I’m still learning a lot about how this new lifestyle will work, but it’s exciting stuff for someone who, like many of you, had nearly given up and accepted my fate as “the fat girl”.
I totally agree with this–we have been doing some Paleo eating and exercise. It’s totally changed what I thought of as “healthy eating” but I like the changes I am seeing so far.
Here’s another awesome piece on the notion of fitness, weight, and size. I read it this weekend and it rang as true as this one did:
http://primitivestimulus.com/2011/03/attention-scale-addicts/
Interesting. I’ve always been a *curvy girl!* Before puberty really took off, I was a stick – with heavy upper arms, a budding chest and a little tummy. But literally, I was a stick.
Fast forward to my teen years, fully entrenched in womanhood, I danced. Not the professional kind y’all are talking about, boogie till you drop, out till 4am every night dancing. 119lbs of what I thought was FAT! (Man is hindsight powerful! I mean, I wore white AND a belt!)
Today, I am “obese.” I am. I weigh over 200lbs and have two kids. I joke that I’m still trying to lose the baby weight (my youngest is 11…years that is).
However, I have learned to accept myself. Emotionally and for the most part physically. I see thinner way more beautiful women and realize that I have more self confidence and self acceptance than they may ever have. I attribute much of this to God and the knowledge of His love and acceptance of me.
Do I still want to lose weight? Yes that would be great. I don’t want to look back on my current weight years from now and see that I have an additional 50lbs to lose because I wasn’t being smart. I would love to give my fit and thin husband a great body to look at. To feel better and have more energy. Ultimately those are my goals. But I’m through with always being dissatisfied and try to spend that time on more rewarding pursuits!
I enjoyed your post and believe you’re on the right track. I’ve struggled with both physical fitness and body image my whole life so I understand the dichotomy between the two….Thanks for sharing your story.
I can totally relate to this post. I have lost 70 lbs, workout 5-6 days/week and eat roughly 1200-1400 calories/day. Do I look better than I did 70 lbs ago? Heck yeah…but do I look like I think I should given how much I exercise and how I eat? Absolutely not! I am still working on this because I do want to look athletic (not necessarily skinny). I have muscles but I still have flabby arms and a muffin top and cellulite on my legs.
Thanks for this post…it makes me feel like I’m not alone in my feelings!
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I often joke to my husband that I’ll be the “healthiest fat girl ever”. Keep up the good work. You are beautiful.
When I lost weight, I had to do it by addressing the biggest issue in my life that stood in my way: I ate too much food. I like food a lot. But once I addressed it as being the problem, I began to focus on portion control, and then I eliminated all the processed food from my meals. I basically made the rule that if I ate well at each meal, and only until I wasn;t hungry anymore… not stuffed…. I wouldn’t have to worry about having snacks and treats once in awhile. I lost 130 lbs in that time (over a year). It was not always easy, but it never ever had anything to do with an exercise regime, just with realizing what food truly is: fuel for a body.
AFTER I lost the weight I started to work out, and become fit. I started to actually enjoy the challenge of exercise. And everyone is made differently. I went from a size 22 to a size 12/10. Is it a size two? Hell no. But it is an amazing difference.
My knees feel better, my asthma is better. I can do things that I could never do before. And the feeling good? Totally comes.
I think the biggest problem with weightloss is that people give up before they even begin. It’s hard, but it definitely doesn’t have instant results in terms of how you look. It’s only one step, exercise. There’s a lot more to weight loss than just the exercise.
Love this!!! I did 30 days of P90X and gained 3 lbs and looked the same!! Not sure why trainers were shocked it happens!
ChaLEAN Extreme is more for the mom, and I have seen way better results (still with the back fat and large thighs). But realizing God made me this way for a reason!!!!!!
I soooooooo neded this today!!! Been busting my ass off for my first marathon…go 2 hours at least per day at the gym and run about 30 miles per week…going in on a diet…everyone tells me I look leaner, and I feel leaner too. Yesterday weighed myself finally, with the scale showing the same weight than a year ago!!! Got a bit frustrated and de’motivated today, until I saw your blog in CZ facebook….oh, I so needed to read you!! We are not alone!!!
Thanks so much for this article! I’ve been feeling quite stressed over my 6 month diet — with only a 1 pound loss. I appreciate your words on accepting ourselves as we are and also refusing to accept our culture’s definition of fit = skinny! (Plus, you inspired me to blog about it….)
THANKS!
Thank you for this. I have chills and my eyes are tearing up, this hits so close to home. Honestly, I could have written almost every part of it. I always begin a new eating habit or workout with visions of being a size 8 and being able to strut in a bikini. Sometimes I get closer to that goal, but I’ve never looked the way I imagine I’m going to, you know? This is such a great reminder, and exactly what I needed.
Please keep working out, you’ll thank yourself for it in your late 40′s (I’m 49).
I’m confused about the Disneyland picture. Which one of you is… overweight? Because in looking at it and thinking of the online dating weight categories, I’d say any one of you can check the “athletic and toned” box.
I think calling someone “skinny” is just as mean as calling someone “fat”. I usually get called “skinny” by women that are obese. These same women make excuses for why they can’t get in shape. One woman I know got angry that her doctor told her to “eat less and exercise more.” The doctor was right! When I carried an extra 50 pounds I would have loved it if any doctor, including my cardiologist, had suggested that I do the same. But she blamed hormones, not the fact that she doesn’t do ANY exercise.
This past weekend I moved, and it was horrifying to see that the 68 year old woman and the 49 year old woman (and I was ill!) both outperform the 23 year old, who was the only one who took a break. AT MCDONALDS!
I’ll never be a bikini model with a 6-pack myself, but it’s not so bad when you can run circles around most people. Besides, I like the endorphins. Congrats on the half marathon. You know it leads to other stuff, right? Like full marathons, and then triathlons, then Ironman… A dangerous path!
As a fitness trainer, I have to applaud the ‘every body is different’ concept. I might add that changing ones body is not as easy as all the reality tv shows (Biggest Loser etc) are making it seem..hrs and hrs a day of weight training and cardio can change the way you look(who has to time or money?), but maintaining that is still going to be a challenge..so much is dependent on heredity…being fit should never be about ‘how I look’ and using that as motivation will fail you every time…work to be healthy…and healthier each year of your life.
When I got married 18 years ago, I was in the best shape of my life. My figure was an almost perfect hourglass – 36-26-38 – and I could hike all day with no problems. I wore a size 16 and was considered overweight. No matter how fit I was, I was still a “fat girl” as far as the rest of the world was concerned. I am no longer that fit, but I still dream of getting back that level. I don’t want to be a size 2, I like looking like a woman instead of a little girl, but it would be nice to be fit again.
Thought you might be interested in reading this article, it may help shed some light on why you’re not getting the results you hope for from endurance training:
http://figureathlete.t-nation.com/free_online_article/training/the_final_nail_in_the_cardio_coffin
I’m not affiliated with the site at all, it’s just something I keep in my bookmarks because the info is so important and HEALTHY for women to have!
Thank you.
Kristin – what an awesome post!! I just finished my third triathlon and did a full marathon a few years ago and have been a swimmer all my life. I train hard and work out almost every day. But I notice at every race there are tons of women twice my size who do not look like the stereotypical “athlete” and they KICK MY BUTT! They are faster, stronger, and have more endurance. Even in the face of proof that our concepts of what fitness looks like are very wrong, our culture has still not accepted it. Thanks for being an inspiration for ALL women!
I work at a cancer center with cancer patients who are really REALLY skinny, amongst other things. I used to be really obsessed and depressed about my body. I am not skinny and have a large ribcage and wide hips. It will NEVER change. However, after working with these cancer patients, I see how lucky I am to just be HEALTHY. And I enjoy that piece (or 3) of chocolate when I really want it. Life is too short. I could die tomorrow. Freaking out about that little extra junk in my trunk, I have SLOWLY realized (and still need to be reminded of) is a waste of my time. Fit and healthy is beautiful. However that looks on you. I am a triathlete who is a size 10-12. But I can kick the ass of most size 6 girls out there on my bike. So embrace the ass kicking, fit ladies!!! Just repeat “I am healthy. I breath on my own. It’s a beautiful day. Cellulite or not.” :-)
Pingback: A Dancer’s Body
That was a great read for me. I’m 5’2″ and 134lbs, a curvey girl. And also a beast in the gym, especially in Spin class. And its always painful that after years of hard work, I’m not much smaller, and can’t get rid of my stomach (which I’ve had for as long as I can remember…). Maybe this will help me to accept my size a little more.