Beautiful Lily
My daughter does not look very much like me. Her face is different, her features more exotic. Her eyes are almond shaped, her lips full. Her eyebrows are like Brooke Shield’s. Her hair lays exactly right and curls in ringlets at the bottom.
But from the neck down, she has my body. From our squishy elbows, to our bigger ankles, we have the same shape. Her legs are short but strong, her shoulders broad. Her hands are small and delicate, her feet wide like mine.
When I look at her, I see myself, in all the lines of her figure.
When I look at myself, a lot of the time I don’t like what I see. I don’t need to go into details. I am not what society teaches is beautiful.
But my daughter…is…perfect. She is glorious. She is amazing and strong and beautiful. From the tops of her head to her toes, she is the essence of all grace and glory.
And for now, she knows no different. She doesn’t know the curves she will inherit will be something to obsess over, or that she will never be willowy or delicate. She will always be strong, not slender.
I look at her, and see myself, and I think about what I would be teaching her if she knew what I was saying about myself. “Oh my big butt, oh my huge tummy. I hate my thighs. I hate my small breasts.” Eventually, she would look from me to herself…and start to pick away at her beauty.
I can’t let that happen. I can’t let her think she is anything less than perfect, even if her small strong body isn’t something everyone she encounters will deem beautiful. I want her to hold her head high and KNOW her worth lies in more than the size of her jeans or in the curve of her waist. I want her to know her beauty is God-given, and to be treasured. I will tell her that He created her, that He knows her, and that He finds her to be more beautiful than words.
But that starts now, doesn’t it? It starts with me. If she’s going to love herself, she has to see it modelled first. She has to see that the body she has inherited may not be slim, but it can carry babies, feed them. It is strong and agile and will carry her through life. It will be unbroken by falls, the muscles easily toned. It can be honed into a fit, lovely shape that may not be exactly as she would want it, but that is worthy of love all the same.
It is my responsibility to instill this in her. I have to help her to be so strong in spirit, so that nothing can shake her love for herself. This starts with being kind to my own body, scarred and stretched as it is. Because this was once her home, this soft body. These breasts were once her sole source of nourishment. These arms still hold her when she is scared. This body still cradles her, carries her, and nurtures her, all while carrying her brother.
It may not be perfect. It may not be beautiful to everyone, but this body is something I need to treasure and love, so that she will do the same for herself.
Bella
It Coulda Been Worse
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She is gorgeous :) and what a great post.
That post was absolutely beautiful! Your words are precious and ring true to me and how I want to instill in my 3 1/2 year old daughter that she is beautiful inside and out even if she is not a spitting image of all the other girls her age.
Thank you for that touching post.
So so true! And so much harder to live by when the child in question is in 5th grade and getting her period and curves and a tummy, and she’s uncomfortable with it, and her “friends” don’t let her forget how different she looks. Thank you for writing such beautiful words.
I love this post! It reminds me of me and my daughter. Thank you for giving me something to think about as she, too, grows up and has to learn to love herself. And your daughter is gorgeous! ;-)
This is a beautiful post and your daughter is a beauty. This touched me and hit me very close to home. I have 3 girls: a 6 y/o and twin 2 year olds. My oldest and one of my twins has their daddy’s shape, long torso, lean legs and no butt to speak of. My other twin has my figure: long legs (yet thick thighs) short torso, and a “bubble” butt. I wonder how it will be when they are growing up, will they compare themselves to each other, will their self assurance carry them through? Will they be confident in their beauty and worth? They are all smart, beautiful girls – will they know that? I never comment on my body in front of my girls, heck I barely comment on it in front of my husband. But it’s in the air we breath and I work very hard to instill a self love in them and tell them all how beautiful and strong and lovely their bodies are – every inch. I hope they have the self confidence that I never had.
This is beautifully written and so true! I think all mothers need to remember their daughters will look to them for how they should feel about themselves no matter what type of figure they have. I was raised with a sister that was short and larger all her life, and one that had a long lean boy shape and i was just average in every way. Our mother taught us it didn’t matter what shape or size we were. As long as we were beautiful on the inside it would shine through to the outside. As long as we loved ourselves it didn’t matter what the world thought. Thank you for this reminder of how powerful a mothers influence can be!
Every mother can learn from your wisdom.No words could have been more beautifully written..Thank You for being you and shareing with the world what ever Mother can teach there daughters..
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