10 Things Your Girlfriends Never Told You About Having a Baby
I remember seven years ago when I gave birth to my firstborn (I’m now expecting my fourth in about 3 months), I was both amazed and completely freaked out at what my body had just done. The first 48-72 hours were a blur, but I remember thinking more than a few times, “I never remember anybody telling me THAT was going to happen.”
10 things your girlfriends won’t tell you about their birth and postpartum.
- If you have a vaginal birth, your vagina is going to feel like it was hit by an 18-wheeler that was on fire. That vagina will then swell to the size of a very large NYC bagel. THIS IS NORMAL.
- Thankfully, your vagina will also, for the most part, return to normal. Eventually. Although you might forever pee a little when you sneeze, laugh really hard or cough.
- When pushing the baby out, you might poop and/or vomit. On that same note, if you’re in the midst of pushing out a baby through your vagina, you probably won’t care, it will be the least of your worries! I forbid you to lose sleep over this.
- Speaking of poop, your first bowel movement postpartum might *sting* a bit. Be sure to take stool softeners religiously before and after birth.
- On the first day postpartum, every few hours a nurse will come in and push on your very tender abdomen to get extra fluid out and to help shrink your uterus back down to size. THIS WILL HURT VERY BADLY. You might even cry at the sight of her entering your room.
- Afterpains. As your uterus shrinks and contracts back to normal size, you will cramp up so much you might think you’re in labor again. THIS IS NORMAL AND GOOD. And I hate to break it to you, but word on the street is that it gets worse with each pregnancy.
- Postpartum, you will sweat like a pig. I’m talking about the first month (or three) postpartum. Growing a human makes your body retain a lot of stuff, like water. When your body gives up the baby, the water retention is sure to follow. I mean, you didn’t want to keep those sausage fingers and cankles forever, did you? It’s totally normal to wake up completely drenched in sweat. NO WORRIES.
- Best-case scenario, it will take you at least two months to get back into your non-maternity jeans. I’m talking your “fat pants,” not your going-out cute denim. Normal-case scenario, plan on six to eight months. Also, don’t be alarmed if you never fit into them again. You’re not a failure, you’re a mom!
- You might not immediately fall truly/madly/deeply in love with your baby. This one is rarely discussed, because the shame of it is huge. If this happens to you, IT’S OK, YOU’RE NOT A FREAK.
- And at the end of the day, every single birth is a different and unique experience. Take what people say, (take these 10 things) with a grain of salt. Try not to worry about the “what ifs” and the “it might happens.” Seriously, you’re going to do great, no matter what people may or may not have told you!
How about you? What did your girl friends leave out when telling you about birth?
IMAGE CREDIT: Casey Mullins
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Emily Elling is a corporate interior designer who lives in central Indiana with her 4 rugrats and drug making husband of 9 years. When she’s not taking care of the monsters, she can be found barefoot in the kitchen or hiding in the isles of her favorite thrift store buying other’s peoples crap. 
They didn’t tell me about the whole, “c-section belly overhang” I’d be left with. My kingdom for a tummy tuck, I swear. Oh, wait, am I not supposed to want to go to extreme measures to live up to a ridiculous standard of beauty? Sorry, I still do. It’s not just about looks…all that extra “me” – it gets in the way!
I was also not told that my “cries once a year, maybe” self would turn into someone who cries at EVERYTHING – even commercials. It seems to be a permanent change…12 years so far.
And! Discovering something again, as though for the first time, because my kid is discovering it for the first time. That’s pretty awesome.
I just had a tummy tuck this summer, and my youngest, the c-section baby, is ten. It took me that long to not feel guilty for wanting to change it. No regrets though, no regrets.
YES – c-section overhang!!!! I’ve had to c-sections. On a hot day, you can stand under my belly awning for shade. Sigh.
Ugh, c-section apron you BITCH! I hate that thing! I can weigh the same as before but I’m still a size larger in pants.
ugh, the flap. yes. wish they could just deal with it DURING the c-section.
If you are thinking tummy-tuck just to look better, reconsider. But…my roommate, one of the most self confident people I’ve met, just had one. Not just to look better, but because she is a nurse and deals with people who have yeast infections, ulcerated sores, and other nastiness in the belly folds on a semi-regular basis. If you will have more kids, then wait. But don’t say no because you think it is just vanity. It actually can be a (long term) health issue.
YES! What is with the flippin’ crying?! I used to never cry and now I tear up all the time. I hate it.
I cry at commercials, too, but I’ve never been pregnant. I think I just have weird hormonal levels…
also my mom got a c-section and never got a tummy overhang…
I had a natural birth 12 years ago and still have the over hang belly thing…how does that work? :)
Number 1 to 4 i can relate to, the rest not so much.
Quite a quick birth for me (7hours) no stitches/cuts or tears..no stretch marks…quiet sick during contractions but then so was my babys daddy! :)
Unfortunatly i did get major post natal depression pretty much as soon as i bonded with my baby, major love to the point where i detested anyone going near her.
The depression put me off having anymore kids…..
My sister is due her first baby in march 2012 and i best not let her read that list!
I’m not sure I should have read this or not, eleven weeks away from my first birth. But thanks for the heads up! You’re right – no one has told me any of this.
You will do great! Good luck! :)
Don’t worry about it, none of those things happened to me. I’ve had two kids, one all natural and one c-section, my youngest is 7.
Don’t worry — I’ve had three kids (two vaginally and one C-section), and I had none of those things, except maybe the not falling in love the second they’re born. Sorry, but I was a little zonked right then, and I just didn’t much care about who I just pushed out.
Childbirth is what it is — it isn’t pretty, you don’t get over it right away, and you always survive. My kids are now 14, 15, and 18, and I’d go through all of it again in order to bring such fine people into this world. No, my stomach looks more like a marsupial pouch, but I don’t mind. I had my years of being cute and skinny, and now I’m someone’s mom. I’m not obese, but I’m not some cutie pie any longer. It’s all good, and it’ll be good for you.
you will be fine :)
Enjoy being pregnant and giving birth…. its a gift :)
I remember when my mom told me about the “not totally in love with the baby” thing. She said after I was born, her first thought was “What do I even DO with this?” And then she felt incredibly guilty because 1) she was not totally in love with her newborn and 2) it seemed like I had bonded with my Dad immediately and she just couldn’t get there. It took her months to get used to it, but once I started to do things she fell in love with the baby. Thank God I started talking at 8 months, or I think she would have stayed bored forever!
This happened to me with my first too. My husband bonded immediately and I was just so terrified that I didn’t know what to do because I’d never even held a baby, let alone cared for one. It took me a little bit to get comfortable and to really bond with her.
It wasn’t an issue for my 2nd pregnancy (twins). The bonding happened immediately.
#6 that the cramps after birth hurt? OH GOOD GOD YES. It’s even worse w/ the 2nd. I wouldn’t know about more, but every time I would nurse, my uterus would contract, and HOLY GOD it hurt. I swear I took demerol for those more than the stitches.
I have a few to add:
#11 Take home the hospital mesh panties.
#12 Take your own overnight pads with wings to the hospital.
#13 Don’t wait to pee until you have to or you’ll end up peeing on the floor of your hospital room for your baby daddy to clean. (I know from experience.)
The afterpains are worse with each birth. After the fifth, I thought I was going to die. I have NO IDEA how that Duggar woman with the 19 kids is still walking.
And yes, take home those mesh panties. I have no idea why they’re so comforting after birth, they just are.
YES to your additions!
Not just peeing, either. I had a couple of, um, incidents where I thought “Gee, I need to pee and/or poop right now,” and it would immediately drop from my body.
Yep, no bladder/bowel control for awhile, especially if you had to push for a long time.
As I am just sitting around waiting for my third baby to decide to get out of me (due on Sunday), I am grateful for the reminders. Although, I am so miserable and uncomfortable right now that those “awful” things sound heavenly, cause at least I’ll be free of pregnancy!
And I like Angie’s additions. My birth club on babycenter was recently discussing skipping right over the overnight pads and going with depends for the first few days. Seriously think that is a fabulous idea cause the amount of blood then is just out of control!
YES! My husband accidentally grabbed me poise pads, not menstrual ones, and the size was PERFECT!!
Take full advantage of the pain killers they give you – I was under the impression that I wasn’t in much pain (thanks to the painkillers they kept me on in the hospital) and when we were at home, the first time I sat down on the toilet, I howled in pain and demanded my husband go straight to the drug store to fill my prescription (I had very extensive stitching). Also, I had no idea that newborns had that startle reflex and spent about 24 hours worrying that my son had a nervous disorder.
Also, I got pills to help my uterus shrink to its normal size. I don’t recall there being cramping but honestly? That first week home was such a hellish blur it could have happened and I wouldn’t remember it. Although I was in love with boyo (and crying about how much I loved him every 30 seconds), I was also in shock and mourning for the life I’d left behind. And I couldn’t wear my prebaby jeans until well after boyo’s 2nd birthday :)
the nervous disorder comment MADE ME LOL! haha! Babies are so totally spazzy!
‘mourning the life left behind’ ‘first weeks being a blur’ ‘crying about being so in love every 30 seconds’ – yes! yes!
And sooo cute – worrying about the startle reflex! Funny!
Thanks for sharing!
haha on the “nervous disorder”
You can never predict where your flo will land ever again. I am talking to the pad wearing crowd. A girl gets used to a little thing like pad placement, you know? After 5, I almost always end up leaking due to poor placement. Also, by the time you need pads after breastfeeding for a year, the packaging will be different, it sucks.
YES!!!! After my third, I’ve had to double up on pads to make them long enough, I can never find pads that are long enough!
Yes to all of this. I remember being confused as I held my child the first night knowing that I loved him, but wondering why I didn’t have the all encompassing love I expected. It came the next day, but I felt guilty for a while.
Also, no one told me that the placenta removal, if you are unlucky enough to have one that doesn’t deliver easily, hurts like hell and in places the epidural doesn’t numb. I had that sucker vaccumed out after a particularly long, in my mind, retrieval process that included pushing on my stomach just below by chest. Owwie.
I totally agree about the placenta removal. Why do they fail to tell you about that….it’s like having twins. WTF? And then let’s hemorrage after that…..so they can push on your belly for an hour and other things to stop the bleeding….Not cool. Severe pain.
The cramps are worse when you nurse, because nursing causes your uterus to contract. It’s a good thing for your body, but it hurts like hell.
Bring your own pj’s and socks to wear at the hospital and maternity clothes to wear home.
Oh, and take a shower the MOMENT you feel up to it. You will feel a million times better when you’re CLEAN. I actually get dressed in clothes (not pj’s) then too. Helps me feel more like a normal person.
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I was the first of all of my girlfriends to get pregnant so I had to find all of this stuff out the hard way! Other than my actual kid, mesh panties were my favorite thing about giving birth!
Great list! No one ever told me about #7 – I thought something was wrong with me when I would wake up drenched. On the plus side, your ankles come back!
No one told me this, and I called the nurse in balling my eyes out because I was on my fourth hospital gown and there was no sign of never being sweaty ever again
God yes to the sweating. Holy hell, after both of my c-sections, I spent the next several nights waking drenched, I’m talking SOAKED in sweat. I knew it was the water I had retained though as I looked like a large swollen whale. :)
And the crying. My god. After my first, I sobbed for WEEKS. Oh my husband was SOO SWEET!! And yes, everything was all caps. I LOVE MY FAMILY SO MUCH!!! /cry cry cry/ My sweet baby, SHE IS SO BEAUTIFUL! /cry cry cry/ My mom brings my baby book over /hysterical sobbing/. Hallmark commercial. /cry/ Hell, cereal commercial? /cry/ Man i was a mess. It’s that damn hormone crash. my brain just freaked! I knew what it was, thankfully, but I was not at all prepared for how…powerful it would be.
After my second, I kept waiting for it to come. And it did, man, it hit hard one night as my daughter and my husband were leaving the hospital for the night. My then 2.9mo daughter turns and says “bye bye Mommy!” with this huge grin, and I had to wave and turn back into my room b’c I just lost it. Hormones are nuts i tell ya.
I was SO glad that both my friend and my midwife warned me that the after-pains would be worse with my second. For me, my 2nd birth was much more physically hard, and if I hadn’t known about the pains being worse I would have been concerned afterwards.
I wish that someone had told me that going to the hospital and having an epidural is not the only way to do it, and that I’d known that before my first baby as well as my 2nd. I also wish someone had told me that breastfeeding is not always magical and doesn’t work for every woman. I didn’t even know it was possible that my body would not produce milk.
OMG Yes! The afterpains after the second were BRUTAL. No one told me! Until they happened and the midwife was all “Oh, yeah, they will be worse this time … ” I mean, no, I don’t suppose she needed to say that BEFORE the birth, but still!
I think the weirdest post-birth thing was that (in amongst all that sweating) I didn’t seem to *smell* the same. It went back to normal in a couple months, but it sure was weird.
Wow, as someone trying to concieve for the first time, this makes me think about pulling out the extra packs of birth control pills I put away two months ago. I think I’ll still go for it though…
So glad you mentioned the sweating!! Nobody ever told me about it. My second little guy is just over 2 weeks old and I wake up SOAKED every morning!! Thanks for sharing.
The more I think about it, the more I realize I did sweat – I just didn’t make the connection at the time. My son wouldn’t sleep anywhere but on my chest (or my husband’s chest, but mainly mine) for the first two months of his life. I’d wake up drenched, but I assumed it was b/c I was attached to a living space heater. In retrospect, though, it was totally water weight sweats. Gah!
And with the pain meds, don’t forget that Percocet is a narcotic and will make you c-o-n-s-t-i-p-a-t-e-d. It’s really laughable that they give you ONE stool softener with each pain pill. I didn’t take a poop for a week after my daughter was born. One night I haddago and I strained and strained but it wouldn’t come completely out and then the baby started crying so I made to push it back in and try again later only to find that it was still inside! It was distending my anus from the inside so my skin was convex!! It was the craziest, scariest feeling (I had a c-section with no labor or pushing so I didn’t have the crazy, scary birth sensation). I was so totally freaked out which paled in comparison to the mortifying experience of laying on the bathroom floor (baby still crying!) while my husband pushed a suppository into my poopy butthole (with fresh pregnancy hemorrhoids!) and instructed me to not “feel embarrassed” and “just relax.” Bless him for helping me deliver my beer can turd without laughing or even turning up his nose. But srsly. Ask for like seven stool softeners to chase that one Percocet.
My husband also helped deliver my poop baby! Awkward, but that’s marriage for you…
Indeed! I’m sorry for your woes but I’m glad I’m not the only one;)
Poop baby!!! That’s hilarious. And scary.
Oh my God. After my surgery to remove one of my Fallopian tubes, NO ONE mentioned that my painkillers (which I had an allergic reaction to, on top of this) would cause me to be constipated. In fact, I had NEVER been constipated in my life. My then-fiance, just one month away from marriage, had to assist me. I was mortified, terrified, and quite frankly disgusted. I never heard of anyone else going through something similar!!!
I want a baby, I want to conceive; I just don’t know if it’s possible. I know that I will bring my OWN stool softeners with me when I give birth and will take them RELIGIOUSLY!!! So glad I’m not the only one…
Oooo, yes. I said the same things after I had my first – why doesn’t anyone tell you about this stuff? Everything you hear is how wonderful it is, you’ll love it, blah blah blah. I was much more prepared for my second! I’ve got a couple to add (from my own experiences):
- Episiotomies hurt WAY more, and take WAY longer to heal, than tearing naturally.
- You may have to hold your cooch and put some pressure on it for a few months when coughing, sneezing or laughing. Not just to hold the pee in, but to counteract the painful throbbing that sometimes comes with it!
- you will more than likely love your child because they are yours, but it may take some time to feel that overwhelming love that commercials say you are supposed to have instantaneously.
- it’s totally cool – and NOT selfish – to focus on yourself and what you just did, and to allow yourself to feel like Superwoman. You just had a frickin’ baby!
Wow, I’m so glad you shared this information. I thought I was the only one who had a painful, throbbing cooch for MONTHS after I delivered. I also had an episiotomy (drug free) and I promise you the pain from that kind of made it easier to push baby out – it F’IN HURT. I hated getting stitched. I think next time I’ll opt for natural tearing instead.
Oh yes! Drug free for me both times, and if you can go for a natural tear, I HIGHLY recommend it. I didn’t experience the throbbing cooch for months afterwards with the tear! Good luck for next time.
Thanks for writing this. I´m expecting my first (And hopefully only) baby due in January and these things are very ummmmm informative but also pretty scary! :-S NO ONE told me about any of these! And I thought being pregnant sucked! I´m worried sick about all of the postpartum issues, specially the body image ones… but there´s no going back now huh? Hopefully everything will be ok and I´ll have a beautiful baby soon.
I am now terrified of having children. I already have an extremely weak bladder and every damn time I wake up in drenched in sweat. The more I read about pregnancy and birth, the more freaked out I am. I don’t take birth control, mostly because I don’t regularly have sex, but holy hell I am ready to be a nun to never worry about getting pregnant.
I had a c-section so I didn’t really have any scary birth related stories. I do wish someone had told me before how very important it is to get up and walk the minute they let you.
I never connected the sweating, but man did I sweat after both. I thought it was that stupid plastic mattress.
sex after birth- Not all women experience sex aversion after giving birth. I wasnt one of them. You might find that your hormones are ramping you up and it is incredibly frustrating to have those kinds of feelings so intensely and not a damn thing you can do about it until you heal…
Waiting was the worst, we just moved really slow after waiting all of 2 weeks – of course that’s also how I had 2 kids so close together. They don’t tell you that with all that hormonal stuff going on, you are so, so, so much more fertile right after having a baby.
Holy frap, yo.
Good to know…
We currently feel like, MAYBE 10% chance we’ll want kids someday…but uh. Haha. That number may have just dropped, LOL.
Of course we may be too old to conceive by the time we are ready, so could be a moot point! :P
This was the best Emily….all so true…..
I would add that no one ever tells you that the epidural might not work on you and you will feel everything.
The afterpains with breastfeeding…= in labor again….
YUP! My epidural didn’t work, and I had a CSF leak afterwards which was awful. Honestly I felt incredible after giving birth and feeling everything. Next time will be completely drug free – the epidural isn’t worth the risk of the CSF leak, I promise.
I really wish someone had told me how much fluid could leak out when your water breaks. Pads didn’t cut it. Should have bought depends. Soaked through 2 pairs of pants before getting out the door. Had to figure out how to keep the car dry while getting to the hospital. Then dripped all the way up to L&d. Thank god it was at 3 in the morning!!! I can’t imagine if I had been out somewhere!
Also post emergency c-section (and induction) – from waist down I was soooo swollen. About 5 days post birth had to go to Dr’s to get Lasix to get rid of the water retention (apparently normal after being induced) Ahhh, what relief then!
Oh I could go on…but all in all, it was all worth it!!
My doctor broke mine in the hospital and I vividly remember yelling “HOLLYWOOD IS WRONG! WHAT THE HELL! THAT’S NIAGARA FALLS!”
I was told that I was one of the most amusing patients they’d had that week.
I think it’s important for new/expectant moms to be told that the first bowel movement post birth is going to be about the scariest thing in the world. I was CONVINCED that I was not only going to rip all my stitches, but also bleed out and leave my new baby without a mom. Luckily, I had the best nurse ever. I mean seriously, if it weren’t completely creepy, I would have asked her to be my baby’s godmother. She was more like a friend or a sister than a nurse. She convinced me (numerous times a DAY) that none of that was going to happen. Even so, I still bawled my eyes out for like an hour on the toilet before anything happened.
Oh, I just thought of another one! No one told me about how placenta can be left behind, even if you’ve delivered it! It was a week after I gave birth and I remember kneeling down to pick something up and I felt like something had popped in muh lady parts. I went to the bathroom and found what I was convinced was a death-causing blood clot. (BTW: my husband is an EMT and spent about the first 2 months after birth assuring me that none of the things I was afraid of where going to happen or kill me. He is a SAINT.) Also, the placenta leaving a bit behind, yeah that’ll cause your milk supply not to come in fully yet. After that, my supply could have fed THREE babies.
Hope this helps some of you ladies! And speaking as one of the most paranoid people ever: IT WILL BE OK. I PROMISE!
Amen on the scary BM. I didn’t have it until after we came home & I had a mini panic attack on how I was supposed to clean up after with all my stitches. Thankfully my husband is a nurse & paramedic and sweetly talked me through it.
I had crazy nightmares that my baby was in the bed being smothered by covers for months! I’d wake up digging and throwing pillows to get to him. I even woke my husband up once because his face looked all cartoony swollen (besides all The times i woke him up digging for our son).I’ve never had interactive nightmares before postpartum. Freaky. Also, was waking up drenched in sweat.
I wish someone had warned me that witch hazel, while therapuetic, smells worse than sulfuric acid.
I had to have a c-section. But no one told me that when your milk comes in (especially if you have small breasts) it will feel like they are going to explode. This happened to me overnight. Went to be with a small a cup and woke up with a full c cup. I finally did find out that waking the baby tofeed to relieve the pain is okay!
Late to the party. But someone should’ve told me that, with a vaginal birth, you bleed for a month after. And it’s like thick mucousy blood. Like snot blood. And you can’t wipe at first. They make you squirt yourself with a water bottle. HOLY GODS
Ah, but that water bottle was a God-send sometimes when I went to the bathroom!
I had a c-section, and bled like that for a month as well.
I wish someone would of told me that on the 3rd or 4th night the baby was going to be up all night. This happened to me and I had no idea what to do with her. 5 weeks later my best friend had her baby and the same thing happened to her.
I have never laughed so hard at some of the comments in my entire life…the ones about the turd babies made me laugh out so loudly my husband came in here and said “What the Hell are doing” and then I laughed even harder til I cried and I couldn’t even speak. I turned the computer screen around and made him read it. He grunted and walked off…and I am still laughing. For those of you saying that you don’t think you’ll have a baby now…I know it sounds really bad and maybe it is in some cases but then it really isn’t. It is really worth it in the end and hey we have to have our “war stories” too. I went into labor a month before my due date…I just got up out of the bed one morning and my water broke. I thought I peed on myself and ended up calling my mother (who is a nurse) to ask her how to tell the difference between pee and amniotic fluid. I had not experienced some of the things being talked about here but most I did and would do it again if I could. With my second child I actually pooped on the nurse and didn’t know it until she was cleaning me up and asked her what she was doing. It was really no big deal to her at all but I was horrified!! It’s funny now. But thanks for this at least I know that I was not the only one to go through some of this stuff!!
Amen and amen!
I felt so guilty for not bonding with my baby immediately. I still remember laying in my hospital bed, looking at the sleeping baby in the bassinet next to me, and thinking, “Wait a minute, I feel nothing. I thought I was immediately supposed to be in love with you.” It took me, quite literally, months and medications to fall in love with my sweet little man.
Also, the unholy amount of stretch marks one baby could give me. I can stretch my leftover belly skin out for miles, it seems.
I agree with all the above and one more. Don’t think you have to have the baby in the hospital room with you the whole time. I made this mistake with my first because I wanted to be the “perfect” mom and have him with me all the time. It is okay to send off to the nursery. Trust me you will have PLENTY of time with your baby.
AGREED
I would add that when the nurses come to check on you, not only will they ask about any clots you are passing, but they will PULL DOWN YOUR PANTS AND CHECK. I was NOT expecting this and was so embarrassed that my husband was in the room watching as the nurse pulled down my underwear to check my pad.
The stomach massage-y thing they do they do after a c-section, too.
Which means the nurse feels as though she is trying to reenter your abdomen through the incision, and that she’s succeeding.
You *will* feel like punching her in the vagina. I assure you of this.
Thanks for all the storys and helpful hints!!! My husband and i CANNOT wait to have our own :)
should not have read this. my due date was three days ago and im so not ready for any of this. :\
All of this, yes. I’d like to add/reiterate a few:
-when you first stand up to go to the bathroom after giving birth, the pee just starts to fall out. Fast. You’ll regain bladder control (mostly), but not at first.
-those first few months can be dark, scary months, especially if you can’t sleep during the day when your baby does. I literally started to hallucinate from lack of sleep. Then I got some ambien, would go to bed from 6-12 while my husband cared for the baby, then would care for the baby from 12 (midnight) on. It worked for us.
-about 3 months postpartum, all your hair falls out. Or it feels like it’s all falling out. Handfuls of hair, constantly. It’s normal, and is just your body catching up on shedding all the hair that you didnt lose while pregnant. You won’t go bald. But keep an eye on fingers/toes/penises of your baby. The hair can get wrapped tightly around one of those appendages, causing loss of blood flow and pain for your baby. It’s common, and called a “hair tourniquet.” If your baby is inconsolable, check those spots for a tightly wound momma hair!
-sex can hurt for a loooong time postpartum. Use lube and wine to make it okay.
-breastfeeding is hard. Get a lactation consultant to help with the latch BEFORE your nipples ulcerate and you end up crying tears of fear everytime your baby is hungry. Even slight latch deviations can fuck up your nips.
YES to the breastfeeding/lactation consultant. As I posted below, I didn’t have anyone to help and it was one of the worst experiences of my life.
I visited with a lactation consultant I think 6 times, 3 in the hospital. They were amazing! I recommend thoroughly!
For me, no one told me that when your water breaks it just keeps coming and coming and coming. Also, my best tip us to brung your own jumbo/large pads (like for your period). The ones I needed the second day were like wearing diapers and the hospital didn’t have anything smaller.
I second the blood clot comment. No one told me that you can pass blood clots the size of large chicken eggs, and that it’s “normal”! The first time went pee after my first vaginal birth, I screamed to my husband that another baby was coming and to get the nurse! I seriously had to PUSH that effer outta there. So gross and scary!
Also, no one ever told me that labor could get LONGER with subsequent children. My first one, labor was 27 hours, and each labor got longer after that one. (I have 3 kids, now. And won’t be having another one. EVER.)
:-)
Julie
The thing no one told me and I forgot for my second….the shakes! When your hormones drop post delivery you will get an AWFUL case of the shakes. Request LOTS of warm blankets, a heating pad, and warm drinks – they DO help! Oh, and those get worse with each one too.
This is what I got too. I’m glad someone else mentioned it! And let me tell you – getting those shakes after having a c-section is NO fun at ALL, with the incision. I kept insisting that the fluids they had in my IV were too cold. They said “they are room temp”. Has anyone ever noticed the room temp in a hospital? It’s freezing! They started warming my fluids and gave me heated blankets but the shakes still continued for hours. My nurse said that it was because I had lost my heater. Which makes sense except my kids are now 18 and 19 and I still get these shakes (along with an iron taste in my mouth) when I go from one extreme temp to another.
I never had most of the things mentioned here but this has been really amusing to read. LOL
Totally happened to me too!
So glad you include the “grain of salt” advice. As a childbirth educator, I can’t stand absolute statements like this since it all varies so much for each birth. For instance waterbirh dramatically reduces vaginal injury. I pushed out my 10 lb water baby and every poop and pee afterwards was absolutely painless. With my first (out of water) the first pee is a more traumatic memory than the birth.
I also agree with the *no love @ first sight* statement. I remember it feeling exactly like a falling in love process. The first weeks were just too surreal. Then over time I was more and more excited to see my son. I was more and more excited to spend time with him. The best way to describe it is … A romance. I never knew my feelings were less than they should be, until the love truly sunk in and I realized how happy he made me.
The nurses made me diapers full of crushed ice for my stitches. They helpe with pain an absorbed all the melted ice and blood. Really great. Just open up one end of the diaper and add ice trn close the end with the Velcro parts.
Oh, one more thing to add. My labor was induced both times and my water broken at the hospital, so I can’t say for sure if this would happen at home but…
Water doesn’t always gush out. Mine was a very slow leak that took several hours. With my second one, I was at a Dr’s visit and was told to get to the hospital within the hour for inducement because I was losing amniotic fluid and it could put the baby at risk for infection. I never even felt anything come out so I have no idea where it was going!
I’m gonna brag, mostly because I am proud I was blessed with great genetics. I was able to get my butt back into my non preggo jeans with in a week with both of my kids (a third on the way). I’m not talking about the fat jeans either.
I had an emergency C-section in the night and woke up the next morning thirstier than I had ever been. I remember them bringing me breakfast, but my mouth was so dry that I couldn’t even chew. I would take a bite and drink water to wash it down. My lips and face were chapped. Not sure what dried me out, but it was miserable.
What I wasn’t prepared for was hating breastfeeding. I wanted so badly to love it, but I didn’t. It HURT and I had enough milk to feed a developing country. I had to change clothes every 2 hours because I would leak through pads and soak both my shirt and pants. Our small town and hospital didn’t have a lactation consultant, which means I didn’t get the help I desperately needed. Looking back, I’m proud that I did it, but it was not a bonding experience for us so much as a “soak the baby’s head with my tears” experience.
The day after giving birth, I thought it was me that smelled like rotting meat, and was totally grossed out (and mortified)! Finally, I realized the hospital cleaning staff forgot to take out a small garbage can in the bathroom filled with blood soaked pads. I was so happy to find out it wasn’t me!
no one told me my body wouldn’t make enough milk to feed my son.
It makes me feel better that Beyonce will be going through all of this in a few months.
Ahhh, I forgot about those wretched cramps until now. But on the bright side they made it possible for me to sneak back into my non-maternity jeans the day after coming home from the hospital (72 hours after birth). That and that lovely fat-sucker, breastfeeding.
I can’t decide if I’m really glad I read this or if I now want to postpone having this baby for as long as is humanly possible. There is just so much pain ahead, isn’t there?
Wow, reading this list brought back all my memories of giving birth. Sooo many of those I went through. I remember after my second child my husband felt it necessary to inform me that I pooped while delivering…did you really have to tell me that? I also remember the doctor asking every time he checked on me if I had a bowel movement yet. Also, I cried for 2 weeks every time I tried to breast feed. Please make sure you have the lactation consultant help you (even after you leave the hospital)
I am late here, but if anyone gets to read this BEFORE giving birth, perhaps this will help?
1. When they tell you to push, try to make it more like an extreme “crunch” as opposed to just a good poop push. Use your abs to squish the baby out of your belly.
2. You will poop. Everyone does. Tell your husband to lie to you and tell you “hell no baby, you didn’t poop! Matter of fact you looked like an angel with your legs wide open and your business all puffed up in some doctors face!”
3. Take your own huge, overnight, extra long, extra thick, mattress sized pads to the hospital and use them with those mesh bootie shorts. It will make you feel like everything is neat and tidy.
4. TAKE THAT SQIRTY BOTTLE HOME!! Fill it with nice warm water to rinse your vaj. I have 5 daughters. Even my teenagers use the squishy bottle rinse during period time…trust me, it is very soothing.
5. Use one of those big, soft cold packs with your pad after delivery. Again, VERY soothing.
6. That first #2 after delivery is a doozy. Be sure to use the stool softener, drink lots of water and relax…you will poop normally again.
7. Stay off your feet for a few days. I made the mistake twice of going “big grocery shopping” the day after leaving the hospital. Those shopping trips put me back in bed for 3 days, increased my bleeding and I felt like I got kicked in the balls about a 100 times.
8. You will be okay. Women much weaker, and less informed than you have given birth time and again and survived. Whoever you are, you will do beautifully!!
YEs on soo many of these. Just another reminder: for quite a while after the birth, you will look and feel, well, let’s be frank here, ugly. The pregnancy glow and the bump that explain the round shape will be gone and you will be left sore, tired and flabby. It’s like everything that is bright and beautiful about you combines to make that wonderful baby and you are left with just the blah parts. Accept it and then ignore it. Focus on sleeping as much as you can, showering as often as you can and doing something nice (reading a magazine or watching your favourite show on TV) while breastfeeding. It will take a while to feel like yourself again – maybe even longer than it takes you to get into those jeans, because even if they zip, everything will hang differently. But you will be amazing again, and as so many said, it will be totally worth it.
The only one of these I experienced was the sweating, which was weird for me because I never sweat. Ever.
One thing I wish I would have known in advance is that labour can make you vomit. I was in labour for a few days the first time, and by the second or third day I was vomiting like crazy. I was totally unprepared for it! I hate throwing up more than anything else on earth; that was by far the worst part of labour for me.
Along with the pee sprinkle with laughing, coughing, sneezing, if you ever are pregnant again or sick with flu or hangover and have to vomit get ready to change your pants. I also wish I’d known there are nannies you can hire specifically for the newborn overnight shift. They come at bedtime and do the overnight feeding and changing while you get much needed rest… Great gift for showers.
In early labour, take an enema. It aids labour AND ensure you don’t poop on the nurse. My third, born at home, came so quickly so I didn’t stand a chance. I learned how smart that advice really was after that. (I did it for the first and second.)
If you can help it, don’t get into a car when you go in labour. The act of getting in and out of cars stalls labour.
Walk. A lot. Even if it is slowly, when you are in early labour, go for a walk, walk around the house, building, whatever.
Even if you are in a teaching hospital, you have the right to ask that not ever intern checks to see how dilated you are. A variety of people sticking their even gloved hand up your vagina can introduce injury and infection.
And holy hell!!! The after-birth contractions with my third?! I have really high pain tolerance but that was murder!