Our Favorite Tacky Holiday Decorations
Every year around the end of November (depending on how festive you are), we trudge up to the attic and pull down the boxes labeled “XMAS” or “Hanukkah” or “Holiday Crap.”
We spend a full weekend and a half sprinkling the house with holiday love, placing every proper tchotchke in its proper tchotchke place. From the styrofoam ball-snowman to our grandmother’s crystal, our holiday decorations hold memories of holiday’s past.
It’s funny how we cherish even the tackiest of holiday decorations. The ones we thought were cute 10 years ago, and are now more like obnoxious remains of our poor taste, are the ones we promise to save in the case of a house fire and then pass down in our will.
Thanks to the internet, we can have tacky at our doorstep in 24 hours or less, here’s a peak at out Christmas and Hanukkah gaudy favorites:
White Squirrel from World Market $6.99
CGG Columnist, Nanette, actually owns this gem. Because what house needs a white squirrel? All of them.
Pink Christmas Tree from Amazon (price varies)
The pink christmas tree is ALL THE RAGE among the design and preppy set. But, that doesn’t meant it’s not a wee bit tacky.
Inflatable Outdoor Santa In An Outhouse from Lowe’s $118
When Santa’s gotta go, he’s gotta go, apparently. And from the look on that elf’s face, you don’t want him using your bathroom.
Santa Hat Pee-Pee TeePee from Perpetual Kid $12.99
A special teepee for your baby boy’s pee-pee. Makes sense. Not.
A Christmas Story Leg Lamp String of Lights from Amazon $5.49
The movie RULES. The leg lamp RULES. Hanging a string of the leg lamps is TACKY.
Menorah with a Pair of Mice from Etsy $25
Grandpa Mouse and Grandma Mouse are super glued to a piece of trophy wood with a mini Menorah behind them. Makes perfect sense.
Bling Merman Ornament from Diamonds of the Sea $23.99
There’s so many wrongs with this ornament, it’s so so right. Right?
submitted by the brilliant Maria Melee
SPAM Ornament from SPAM.com $12
SPAM itself is tacky. Put SPAM on a ceramic ornament and you’ve got yourself some artificial, unidentifiable merriment!
submitted by the hilarious Dogs on Drugs
Hanging Snowman Head from Old Time Pottery $12.99
Traumatizing Little Johnny with a hanging Frosty the Snowman head makes for an extra gaudy Christmas.
Lowe’s Inflatable NASCAR Santa Inflatable Lawn Decoration
Like the SPAM, NASCAR itself is questionably tasteful, but making it into an inflatable lawn ornament,? Well, that’s some truly tacky… uhm… crap.
submitted by the keen-eyed Crystal Roses
Sumo Wrestler Nutcracker (in Asian Nutcracker Set) from World Market $29.97
I hope he’s wearing underwear…
Nice Jewish Guys 2012 Calendar from Perpetual Kid $15.99
Nice Jewish guys cuddling puppies and pose-running on the beach. Order one for everyone on your list!
Handmade Santa Toilet Seat Cover similar found on Etsy $12
There’s nothing tacky about this. Except everything.
submitted by Curvy friend, Sarah, via cherylharrison on Instagram
What is your favorite tacky holiday decoration either from our list or from around the internet? Or do you have an extra gaudy tchotchke around your house you want to share? We have to know!
image sources via individual linked photos
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Angie Lynch, Daily Curve & Social Media Editor. Angie is a Native Floridian without a tan, probably because she spends her days hard at work on the magical internet. For the past several years, Angie has worked way too hard at building clout as an influencer in food and margaritas as well as being a source for laughable pop culture commentary. 
I’ll just admit that I don’t really get the appeal of inflatables, but then I have to admit that if Chicago said you could only hang garland and white lights I’d be ok with that too.
I’m not a fan of any inflatables, mainly because they’re all tacky, but also because when they’re not inflated, they look like dead parachutes lying on the front lawn.
My mother is a decorating fiend, and the only inflatables she has is the word “JOY”. It’s actually lovely. For a while she had a giant snowglobe but that was picked out by my father. So… you know.
Pink is my favorite color, but that tree is just wrong.
The only thing that makes this purchase-worthy is that it’s only 3ft tall and could possible be a fun kiddie room tree. You know, if you have the money for a pink Christmas tree to decorate your kids’ rooms.
not gonna lie, I saw those Mermen ornaments on regretsy.com, and I bought 4 (FOUR) of the Magnets. They are smaller, and only cost $5/each, rather than $25. I almost peed my pants they were so hilarious. There are different options on the website…you can get a merman in any sort of outfit.
seriously…they are SO FUNNY in person. Love it.
I AM SO GETTING SOME.
Don’t know whether to be excited or horrified that my squirrel made the top of the list.
I think you mean, “honored.”
Nanette, I have a squirrel too. And a hedge hog.
I *need* the hedge hog!
My boss is addicted to Spam, and since Meredith says I have to buy my boss a gift, I think I just found my answer!
You better listen to Meredith. …just sayin…
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OMG…I was loving your idea for this post and cringed at every inflatable I saw online. I absolutely hate those giant inflatables…Guess what is currently being set up in my front yard? 3 giant inflatables. Between our string of lights around the door and the THREE giant inflatables, I’m guessing we will win trashiest house on the block.
I have a pink Christmas tree. And I love it.
Okay, I was giggling at most of that but laughed out loud at the nice guy calendar. FAB U LOUS!!
So, this year I fell into the trap and have an 8 foot inflatable Santa looking out over the lake. He looks best at night, when the rope light hanging from his crotch makes it looks like he’s peeing into the water.
Yep, champagne house, past blue ribbon decorating.
PABST BLUE RIBBON.
DYAC.
OMG. THE NICE JEWISH GUYS CALENDAR. I have a friend that would laugh SO HARD if I gave that to her. :P
I’m pretty sure I need the nice, Jewish guys calendar. Last year my calendar didn’t have pictures and was so boring. Plus it would aid in my saying, “how come you can’t find a nice, Jewish guy” when she dates a loser. Nevermind that we aren’t Jewish.
and the she I was referring to is my 18 year old daughter. I got ahead of myself!
Oh my.
Do you ever want to stealthily go around and put a hole in all those inflatables? I might. Just sayin’.