A Lifetime of Smoking
My parents both started smoking when they were in their early teens. My mom smoked through her whole pregnancy with me. Back then, cars were sold with built-in ashtrays and you could smoke in public without getting dirty looks. It was a different time.
Many kids raised in households like mine grew up to be smokers themselves, but I went the other direction. I hated all things cigarette-related. I was ashamed of the way our house smelled. I resented the fact that by the age of ten I was sent to the drug store every day to buy my mom her Benson and Hedges Deluxe Ultra Lights. I doused myself in perfumes and hairsprays to try and cover up the smell that was in my hair when I went out with friends.
In 1980, I started to plead with my parents to stop smoking, and it was a point of contention between us my whole life. Initially, my opposition to my parents’ smoking had nothing to do with their being shunned in society or for health concerns. Quite simply, I was disgusted by dirty ashtrays and smoky residue on windows.
As I got older and started understanding the dangers of smoking, my side of the debate should have carried more weight. Alas, it did not. They were addicted and could not stop. Today they will admit, until faced with health concerns, they didn’t want to, either.
It’s recently been rumored that Michael Douglas, after having battled throat cancer, may be smoking again. If this is indeed true, it angers me.
My dad still smoked after having three heart attacks and a triple-bypass surgery. Each and every time I smelled that stench on his clothes, my blood would boil just a little more. Not for him, but for us. Did he not know the anguish that we went through while he laid in hospital beds? Did he not know the fear that overcame us while waiting to see if he would wake up? Did he not realize that we were planning his funeral and discussing the best way to break the news to my kids that their Pa Pa was gone?
If you have been given a chance at survival and overcome such huge obstacles, why wouldn’t you do everything in your power to ensure your health? There are things you can’t control in life, but smoking isn’t one of them.
I’m proud to say that both of my parents have kicked their bad habit and are both breathing easier, but it took a lot to get there.
My mom was babysitting when my four-year-old daughter became enamored with an ashtray and blew into it. The ashes flew into her eyes and scratched her cornea. She had to wear an eye patch for two weeks. My mom carried extreme guilt about this and, when she lost a co-worker/smoking buddy to lung cancer shortly thereafter, she finally changed her ways.
As for my dad, it took a near-death experience late last year for him to stop. I know it was hard and now he freebases Tootsie Pops, but I don’t remember the last time someone died from those.
What are your thoughts on smoking, in particular, people getting sick, but still being unable to quit? Do you empathize with them because of their addiction or do you find it selfish?
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Tena, Self & Body Editor. Tena is the exact opposite person she thought she'd be twenty years ago, back when she had hopes and dreams and no stretch marks. Five kids later, she realizes she's no longer a Type- A mom, and is trying to recover some of herself that she lost in the rearing of children. She writes candidly about her life, kids, struggles with depression, and makes no apologies for her love of chocolate cake and anything on Bravo. 
My dad smoked since he was a teen, even when he had two children diagnosed with heart conditions and their cardiologist advised him to stop. He stopped himself when he was in his 60′s but it was too late… He is still hooked to an oxygen tank and has frequent bouts of pneumonia. His doctor says he’s lucky that’s all he has. My mother in law also smokes. She’s in her 70′s and never had health issues but her breathing sounds like a freight train. She is kind enough to smoke outside when the kids are over but everything in that house smells foul. She says she will never quit because all her life she has done things for other people; smoking is the only thing she does just for her. Her husband has heart issues and has a pacemaker, and she has been advised to quit for his sake. I think that addiction is heartbreaking… When I see people like Amy Winehouse who got caught up in drugs or alcohol it breaks my heart, but for some reason the smoking issue INFURIATES me. Maybe I’m a hypocrite.
My grandparents all smoked when my parents were growing up, but over the years they all quit except my Mom’s father. Sadly we lost him to heart disease when I was only 3 years old, so I never really got to know him. While I know that older generations became addicted to smoking due to lack of information about how bad it was, it absolutely BLOWS my mind when I see people who grew up with plenty of information about how bad it is.
I hate smoking and the terrible things it causes, but I also understand that it’s extremely difficult to quit. I lost both my grandparents (mom’s) to lung cancer that metastasized to their brains. I also lost Dad’s dad to lung cancer that metastasized to…EVERYWHERE. Also, my step-grandma, three great uncles, and one great aunt. All lung cancer or lung cancer that spread. All of them smoked.
It’s heartbreaking. I miss them every single day. Especially my mom’s parents. They were my best friends. But at least it taught me something, I’ve never so much as touched a cigarette.
Smoking is the worst thing you can do for your health, the absolute worst! You’d be shocked by how many doctors, nurses and other healthcare workers smoke. If people who should have the best information about smoking and its risk can’t quit, it makes one feel like its a lost cause. But then you look at the statistics, less people smoke in this country than ever before! There is hope.
I smoked off and on from the time I was 16 until about 2 mos. before I got pregnant at 30 (I got really sick, and just kind of quit). I’ve never really felt the pull of the addiction. It was something I picked up and put down at various points over the years with ease. My dad (who quit before I was born) was very much the same way. My husband and mother, however, are much more susceptible to the addiction. They have both tried to quit at various times throughout the years. My mom was successful-ish – she hasn’t had a cigarette in 5 years, although she has chewed nicotine gum for that entire time (up until about 2 weeks ago, actually). My husband, well, he struggles with it. And I think that is why it doesn’t bother me. Don’t get me wrong, I would prefer he not smoke, and if I had the ability to wave a wand and make it a non-issue for him, I totally would. But I can see that it has been difficult for him, and while I can’t understand what he’s going through, I know that he tries, for me and for our son. (Also, no one smokes in our home, ever. If I had to deal with smoking residue, well, my fuse would be a lost shorter.) I don’t consider it inherently selfish for him to continue to smoke. I know he’s doing his best and really, that’s all I can ask.
My grandma smoked throughout my mother’s childhood. My mom now has asthma and lung disease. Knowing this, my grandma didn’t quit until long after my mother was an adult with children of her own.
The hold it has over people is equally powerful and sad.
If you have been given a chance at survival and overcome such huge obstacles, why wouldn’t you do everything in your power to ensure your health?
THIS.
My mom is a survivor of: breast cancer, 2 congestive heart failures, asthma, multiple chronic lung infections, pneumonia(s) and has high blood pressure, fluid retention issues, cholesterol while being well past the healthy weight range for her 5′ frame. She’s been in and out of the hospital since I was 12 for all of this and more. She’s lost a dear friend to lung cancer that spread to the brain.
She still smokes like a chimney. She says everyone is ‘allowed one bad habit, and that’s mine’.
My blood has boiled dry. I resolved awhile ago that I can’t do anything to change her. I have accepted the fact that she won’t change until she’s ready to. And I have told her that when she’s ready to quit I will pay for any type of treatment she needs to kick the habit.
She smoked all through her pregnancy with me, all through my childhood, I bought her smokes at the store as a kid, she took my birthday money to buy smokes when she had no money left before the welfare cheques came (when we had nothing left in the house but rice, canned corn, peanut butter and bread).
I have never smoked or thought about trying it.
I grew up surrounded by smokers. My maternal grandparents, my aunts, uncle, and parents are/were all smokers. My brother and sister are smokers. I am a smoker. My grandfather and very recently my aunt both died of smoking related diseases, but the rest of us cannot stop. I’ve tried. While at work I can’t go any longer than 2 hours before I HAVE to go outside because I’m physically sick and irritable without a cigarette. I assume I’ll stop if I ever have children, but right now I’m stuck and even though I’ve tried I cannot quit smoking. I have soooo much pride in people who have quit smoking, even if I don’t know them. It’s a hard battle to win.
Before I go any further, I feel like I should reveal that I have a HUGE bias against cigarettes and smoking, so my thoughts are absolutely colored by that.
Ahem.
1) My dad smoked (secretly) for all of my life. I didn’t find out until he and my mom were getting divorced and he started being careless about covering it up. He developed a (non-smoking related) illness that causes sepsis that ruined his lungs. He was in a medically induced coma for a few months and very nearly died. He is now on 24 hour oxygen and lives his life tethered to a little tube. If he hadn’t smoked his entire life, would his outcome have been better? I’ve never had the guts to ask him, but I can only assume that his thrashed lungs didn’t recover as well as they could have. If he had started smoking again after this illness, I absolutely would have kicked his ass.
2) The rumors about Michael Douglas make me incredibly sad and angry. On behalf of his children. I honestly CAN NOT understand how someone with young children, who has been faced with a life threatening smoking related illness, would continue to smoke afterwards. It is so incredibly selfish, not to mention stupid. I can’t even begin to imagine how it makes the children feel, to see it and know that their dad chooses cigarettes over his health, which in the long run would lead to more time with them.
My MIL smoked for ~20 years. She finally quit as a gift to my husband, but it makes me sad that she claims no responsibility that any of her health problems may be due to her years of smoking. High blood pressure? Bad genetics. Breast cancer? BPA in the water. At no point does she stop and say “Hey, you know what? I treated my body awfully for 20 years, and maybe this is what happened, and I’m lucky to still be alive.” Instead, it’s “Those bastards who let BPA in my water bottles gave me cancer” and “It must be genetics!” (even though no one in her family has ever had breast cancer and she tested negative for BRCA1/2). It really upsets me, because she could use her health problems as positive to influence others, like her niece who has been smoking for 20+ years, and try to encourage others to quit.
(Unrelated note… it took me a long time to figure out what you meant by freebasing tootsie pops. As a chemist, a free base implies the basic form of an amine, rather than the salt form… so if you reference free basing cocaine, you deprotonate the hydrochloride salt back to the basic form and you can then smoke it. I guess I don’t hang out with the right crowd to realize how freebasing is used in non-science lingo, ha!)
Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
I cannot, for the life of me, understand why someone would smoke, knowing what we know about what it does to you. I realize it might be hard to quit, but aren’t your children worth it? Are YOU worth it?
Nothing makes sense about addictive and/or obsessive behavior, even to the ones engaged in it. There is nothing rational about abusing a substance that will harm or even kill you and can potentially destroy your life and family.
My parents both smoked themselves to death. They never even tried to overcome their addiction even when they knew it was killing them. Many people try to recover from addiction to nicotine, opiates, alcohol, name-the-drug-of-choice-here and fail multiple times.
The only way this makes sense to me is to look at my own destructive behavior, which is an emotional obsession with food that has rendered me morbidly obese. I have arthritis as a direct result from too much pressure on my joints and I will have to have both knees replaced. I also have high blood pressure. Why do I continue to crave food that is slowly crippling me and could eventually kill me? I do not have a logical answer. It makes no sense at all.
I think the best way to deal with addiction and/or obsession is mental and medical therapy. If the underlying emotional issues are never treated or even addressed, the behavior, no matter how absurd it seems to everyone else, will most likely recur.
My grandmother quit smoking the day she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. She was 67 years old, and had started smoking at 14. She died 6 months later. Which is why my boyfriend has some habits I can’t stand, but I put up with them. Solely so when he picks up a cigarette around his friends I can nag him about it later. Usually with the guilt. That’s where I draw the battle lines.
My mother smoked most of her life, including all through her pregnancy with me. It was a time when they didn’t know better. She quit drinking since the doctor told her it was bad for growing small humans, but the smoking stuck around. She quit when I was about 4 or 5, after my dad coached me to say to her “yuck mommy, you stink mommy” and paid her $1,000 cash. If she ever started, she would have to pay it back, with interest. She quit cold turkey. She was lucky.
Both my Dad and my grandmother (maternal) smoked. My grandmother had a quadruple bypass when I was in high school and I realized that cigarettes were nothing to play with. Ever.
My Dad passed away from lung cancer in ’02. As soon as he found our he had cancer he quit, but by then it was too late. Even the doctors said at that point it didn’t matter (that may be where Michael Douglas is. It may just not matter at this point.).
My brother, my stepmother and her entire family smoke and do not even try to quit. It astounds me that after watching my Dad be ill and die that they don’t walk away from it. I know that it is extremely hard to quit, but wouldn’t you at least try. It hurts my heart.
I smoked in college and afterwards. I eventually had cut back to almost non smoking status by the time I was 30. I was still smoking when I drank or when someone around me had a cigarette I could have. Once I was pregnant, the smell of smoke repulsed me. I have not smoked since and that was 8 years ago.
My in-laws smoke like chimneys. My mother in law had bladder cancer (caused by smoking). She is in remission but knows it was caused by smoking and also knows that your 5 year survival rate increases 5 times if you quit smoking. She still smokes like crazy. When they come to visit they stay at our house and spend 85% of their time on the back porch smoking away. They miss so much time that they could engage with their grandkids because they have to sit outside and smoke.
I try to keep the kids away from them when they smoke. My youngest has a heart condition and can not be near the smoke. It is so frustrating. My husband does not smoke and he constantly asks them to quit. They have tried but they can’t do it. I know it is hard. It was hard for me too but it just comes down to ending the excuses and deciding to NOT SMOKE. YEs it is hard, but it gets easier and it can be done…I did it.
My grandma’s doctor told her to start smoking when she was young and it became an addiction she couldn’t overcome. After she had invasive surgery to clean out her carotid artery (to prevent a stroke, which would’ve almost certainly been related to her smoking), she finally quit. She was free from cigarettes for the first time in decades, for the first time in my life.
A few months later a chest x-ray showed a mass. Surgery followed, lung cancer. She never even got a chance to fight it because while she was still in the hospital recovering, she threw a clot to her damaged lungs and died. It’ll be 10 years in March and it still breaks my heart to think about it. I never got to say goodbye to my grandma. She was a unique person, the most loving personality you could ever know. And the world is quieter without her in it.
Smoking did that. It silenced joy in our world. And how anyone can continue to smoke knowing the consequences completely blows my mind.
My mom started smoking as a teenager and smoked through all four of her pregnancies. All four of us have lung/asthma problems. She quit when I was about ten because my parents could no longer afford two smokers on their income and she knew my dad wasn’t about to quit.
My dad started smoking when he was twelve years old. He quit once for over a year because of neck surgery (doctor told him he couldn’t have the surgery while he was still a smoker), but started up again as soon as he went back to work. It took two strokes and brain surgery to repair an aneurysm (before it burst) in the span of four months to get him to quit…in his 60′s. My mom showed him the $200,000+ in medical bills and told him if he ever smoked again, she’d kill him herself.
My uncle died from lung cancer. He was a smoker (quit years before his diagnosis) but was also in Vietnam with Agent Orange. They never determined which was the more likely cause of his cancer. Even watching him suffer and die, his wife still smoked, and still does.
My father-in-law, brother-in-law, and his fiance all smoke. They all talk about quitting, but never really put forth any effort to do it. None of them can actually afford to smoke, yet they always spend the money on it. My [future]sister-in-law watched both of her parents die young from smoking related diseases and now she has a baby just a year old. If nothing else, TRY for that baby. She doesn’t want him to go through what she went through losing her parents, but still she smokes like it’s her damn job.
I understand it’s an addiction and quitting isn’t easy. You have to WANT to quit to be successful. But there is no reason you CAN’T do it. You just don’t WANT to do it.
I have little to no sympathy (or tolerance) for smokers. Being exposed to cigarette smoke now makes me physically ill. My lungs seize up, I cough until I gag and am hoarse. It gives me an instant headache. I usually feel sick for hours or sometimes days afterward. There are smokers in my life who know this, who have seen it happen, and still try to smoke around me. Then they wonder why I get up and leave without so much as a word to them. (Other than a dirty look, while I’m hacking…like a smoker.)
With everything we now know, I cannot wrap my brain around why anyone even starts smoking these days.
I just almost can’t comment, because I feel like I can’t put into words how much I despise smoking and I so worry of offending anyone.
My grandma died when I was a freshman in college from lung cancer that spread to her pancreas, I was devastated. She lived next door to us and she missed my wedding, my kids, just….so much she would have loved to be a part of.
I then lost my aunt, my uncle, my cousin and the list goes on. Thankfully, my parents never smoked, and nor did my husbands, so we both share a distaste for it.
Even in HS and college when I TRIED to pick it up to look cool, I failed miserably and threw up for days.
When I see people who have overcome so much, like cancer or strokes or heart attacks STILL smoking, I get angry, but realize it’s their choice.
Except when those people have kids. THEN? They disgust me. Because they are not just jeopardizing their own health. Now you are fucking with the kids.
I appreciate addiction. I understand it. Very much. But to risk the health of your kids, and risk the chance of robbing them of a parent, I can think of nothing more selfish. (I mean, I guess I probably could, like murder or something, but I am just too worked up about THIS right now, so let’s say THIS is the most selfish thing, ok?)
These comments make me feel better. I felt all judgey because of my despise for it, I’m glad I’m not alone.
My sister in law smoked throughout her entire pregnancy and my husband just told me she’s pregnant again. They will be only 11 months apart. I highly doubt that she will stop this time and it makes me so mad. People can do everything right during their pregnancies and have sick babies and here she is, abusing it, and he is fine. Not that I wish bad on the baby, but she got lucky by having a healthy baby the first time!
Also, she is a nurse.
UGH!
My dad smoked for years and quit sometime in the 80s. Then he started smoking for a bit after a major brain injury — he said it made him feel calm. Thankfully, he quit again about 3 years ago.
I was a smoker on and off from age 16 until age 24 when I got pregnant. I quit for 4 years and then I had a terrible relapse after a tragedy. Thankfully, I was able to quit again and have been smoke free for 3 1/2 years now. I know this time it’s for good. Cigarette smoke now makes me ill and I can’t stand to be around it.
My mom smoked for almost 60 years before quitting because the taxes got too high. So taxes do work to get people to quit!
I have sympathy for smokers. I have a couple addictions that have such a grip on me, so I can’t help but feel for others who have different addictions. In my case, they are to food and to picking at my skin. One is satisfying, the other is as stupid as anything, but I literally cannot stop, despite all my best attempts to do so.
I understand what people are saying about how irrational it is to smoke or continue to smoke. But all behavior isn’t rational, is it? I mean, to do x (whatever it may be) for your own gratification, to the detriment of your health and/or your future self, regardless of the consequences to those around you, isn’t that irrational (and human)? And wouldn’t that apply to everything that might be/is bad for us, from drugs, drinking and cigarettes to gambling, eating unhealthy foods, speeding or driving without wearing a seatbelt? I guess that, in the greater scheme of things, I place cigarettes lower on the list than some of those things, higher than others. I tend to put them with fast food and speeding. Though I do get all Judgey McJudgerson about people who smoke when they are pregnant, and I don’t have respect for people who smoke indoors around kids. It all depends on where you draw your line in the sand, I guess.
My parents both smoked when I was growing up. Funny though, I never noticed the house smelling badly, same for my BFF’s house. Now I loathe smoking and smokers! I’m so glad that IL passed a smoking ban, I just wish that it would be more strictly enforced. Smoking 15ft outside of an establishment still means that I have to walk through a cloud of smelly smoke to get in and that it just wafts indoors when the door is open. Blech!
OMG. Our Target has the employee smoking picnic table right NEXT TO THE FRONT DOOR. Really? It’s disgusting.
My grandparents both started smoking when they were seven. SEVEN. That said, they both quit as adults, after a lifetime of smoking. It can be done.
I come from a family rife with addiction, so I’m forgiving of it, but I’m not willing to risk the safety of my son. So my uncle’s an alcoholic, and I can accept and empathize with that, but he’s not allowed to watch my son. If your parents’ smoking is putting your children at risk, then they shouldn’t be around it, even if you can otherwise forgive your parents’ behavior.
I come from a very long line of smokers: Grandfather´s from both sides; mom, dad, brother, SIL, all of my dad’s brothers… I was a very heavy smoker myself from the time I was 15 untill May this year (I´m 31) that I found out I was pregnant. I don´t know if it´s the hormones or what but I find being around smokers totally repulsive, can´t stand the smell. I quit because of my baby, which is good but also kind of dumb: how come I couldn’t do it FOR ME? or for my non smoking boyfriend? Or for my pets? Don’t get me wrong I am very proud I kicked the habit for whatever reason, being the baby the most important (and happy :-) one.
It hasn´t been easy and I really wish my family could quit smoking once their nephew/grandkid arrives but it´s up to them, I don’t want to nag them about it but it makes me sad because I don´t think we´ll be visiting as much.
As a former smoker of 25 years let me tell you that it is not easy to quit. I’ve been smoke free for over 2 years and I still wish I could light one up. I’ve had thoughts/dreams about it. I miss it. My psych professor that it is easier to stop heroine than smoking. I believe her. It’s not just a physical addiction; it’s a mental addiction so strong that there are days I feel bereft even after all this time. I hope to never pick up another cigarette for the rest of my life but I don’t sit in judgement of those around me that do because I *get* that addiction. It’s a personal choice and no matter how horribly sick you can get that person isn’t going to give it up until they want to. The more you nag/judge the more they smoke. Just wanted to give it from a former smoker’s perspective.
I agree with you Paula, just because I quit that doesn’t mean I have the right to lecture everyone else around me… it might sound silly but I think it’s patronizing even if it’s a bad habit.
I too agree. I only quit 4 months ago but I try to encourage those who seem to want to quit and let others do as they may.
I know I commented once already, but I’ve thought about it some more. I know smoking is bad for me, but there are soo many more worse things I could do. I dont smoke crack, or shoot up heroine, or snort coke. My uncle smoked 2 packs a day for 20+ years, but what killed him was the liver damage from drinking a case of beer and 1/2 a bottle of whiskey per day. My grandmother’s sister died of a drug overdose while she was popping pills. Looking at the addiction in my family, I am 100000% grateful that smoking cigarettes is my only addiction. I know people judge me and probably think I stink, but I’ve never been arrested for being under the influence of cigarettes, or “smoked in public.” I just think of all the things I could be addicted to, I’d much rather be addicted to nicotine than anything else.
My mom has had breast cancer, anal cancer, and skin cancer and STILL smokes. It makes me so angry because she’s been through so much health wise and it’s almost as if she asking to get lung cancer. She’s “quit” more times then I can count and always says how much easier it is to breath and how refreshing it is to not smell smoke. Then when she gets even the tiniest bit stressed, she lights up. I’ve stopped bugging her about it. She knows how I feel but at this point I don’t think she’ll ever fully quit.
Epic comment, straight ahead!!
This post, and the comments, have been sticking in my craw all day. I didn’t comment earlier because I really do try not to fly off the handle (in real life, or online), and I was trying to process why I had this reaction.
I am a smoker. I have tried to quit a million times. I am an intelligent, 41 year old with a great job. I own my own home, I have a great relationship, I’m pretty mentally sound, most days.
I’m addicted to smoking.
I don’t have children and am honestly not sure what I would have done with regards to smoking had I had any. I’d like to tell myself I would have quit. I do know I would never have smoked around my own children, because I don’t smoke around anyone’s children today. I don’t even smoke around adults who don’t smoke.
I ended up realizing that what bothers me so much about this is this: This site (is great, btw) is visited by women (like myself) who could lose a few pounds. I do not consider myself addicted to food, as some do, but I need to lose about 30lbs – my reasons are that I like GOOD food (wine and cheese? YES PLEASE) and I don’t exercise enough. I am not a food addict. I could quit over eating. For some people it’s not that easy and I KNOW this.
I do not, I do NOT, look down on or criticize anyone who struggles with their weight (well, for any reason, but follow me here) who has an addiction to food. I DO, absolutely, believe there is such a thing as a food addiction and I know, I KNOW, how hard it must be for those people to deal with their addiction, because mine is too.
Let me change up a few of the comments I saw today, OK?
(please note I’m not trying to yell with the CAPS, just trying to point out my changes and I don’t know if this site allows html)
–My dad still OVER ATE after having three heart attacks and a triple-bypass surgery. Each and every time I saw him TAKE A SECOND HELPING, my blood would boil just a little more.
–There are things you can’t control in life, but OVEREATING isn’t one of them.
–My mother in law also IS OVER WEIGHT. She’s in her 70′s and never had health issues but her breathing sounds like a freight train. …She says she will never quit because all her life she has done things for other people; EATING GOOD FOOD is the only thing she does just for her. … but for some reason the OVEREATING issue INFURIATES me. Maybe I’m a hypocrite.
–My dad OVERATE (secretly) for all of my life… He is now on 24 hour oxygen and lives his life tethered to a little tube. If he hadn’t BEEN OVER WEIGHT his entire life, would his outcome have been better? If he had started OVER EATING again after this illness, I absolutely would have kicked his ass.
2) The rumors about Michael Douglas make me incredibly sad and angry. On behalf of his children. I honestly CAN NOT understand how someone with young children, who has been faced with a life threatening WEIGHT related illness, would continue to OVER EAT afterwards. It is so incredibly selfish, not to mention stupid. I can’t even begin to imagine how it makes the children feel, to see it and know that their dad chooses HIS HABIT over his health, which in the long run would lead to more time with them.
–I cannot, for the life of me, understand why someone would OVER EAT, knowing what we know about what it does to you. I realize it might be hard to quit, but aren’t your children worth it? Are YOU worth it?
–My brother, my stepmother and her entire family ARE OVER WEIGHT and do not even try to LOSE WEIGHT. It astounds me that after watching my Dad be ill and die that they don’t walk away from it. I know that it is extremely hard to quit, but wouldn’t you at least try.
–BEING OVER WEIGHT did that. It silenced joy in our world. And how anyone can continue to OVER EAT knowing the consequences completely blows my mind.
–I understand it’s an addiction and quitting isn’t easy. You have to WANT to quit to be successful. But there is no reason you CAN’T do it. You just don’t WANT to do it. [I left this one unedited].
–When I see people who have overcome so much, like cancer or strokes or heart attacks STILL OVEREATING, I get angry, but realize it’s their choice.
–My sister in law WAS OVERWEIGHT throughout her entire pregnancy and my husband just told me she’s pregnant again. They will be only 11 months apart. I highly doubt that she will stop this time and it makes me so mad. People can do everything right during their pregnancies and have sick babies and here she is, abusing it, and he is fine. Not that I wish bad on the baby, but she got lucky by having a healthy baby the first time! Also, she is a nurse. UGH!
None of these comments would be considered acceptable, by me, or anyone here. Why is it ok to support each other through addictions to food, but not to smoking? (Or presumably any other drug?)
I didn’t make note on any comment with respect to second hand smoking because I agree with you all on that. I don’t think it’s fair for someone who has chosen not to smoke to be exposed to second hand smoke. I have no problem with people being angry about that – they have every right to be.
I do understand people are angry. But I feel you WOULD understand someone with a food addiction, wouldn’t you? I think you would because I think from the little I know about commenters here, this is a pretty kind place. I think you would say “I’m sorry you are struggling. There is help. You are not alone.” and not “UGH GROSS”
So it’s likely that I am taking this personally, but I honestly think what really bugs me isn’t that MY addiction is being unsupported but that there is a discrepancy in how people treat different addictions and I truly don’t understand it.
Lastly, no one who hasn’t tried to quit smoking can understand how very, very, very difficult it is. We all know we wouldn’t just tell someone struggling with their weight to just “stop eating so much”, right? Addiction is so, so, so, so, so much more complicated than that, no matter what the substance being abused is.
I read this comment twice, and I feel the same way after both reads. You make absolutely fair points.
But, like I said in MY comment and reaction, was that I had very much experienced smoking related loss, so I feel overly sensitive to it.
Loss, whether by food, smoking or being hit by a truck is STILL LOSS.
I understand addiction and I understand choice, and while I appreciate YOUR addiction and struggles, and applaud your respectful actions in terms of where you smoke and who you smoke around, it’s not a courtesy everyone is so inclined to give.
So I have that issue.
Your addiction is in no way my business, until it effects my business or the business of an innocent bystander whom I love. And I use the term YOUR in a more rhetorical way, not YOU specifically.
And this goes for any addiction.
I don’t think we can rank addiction, per say, except to say that damage to health is bad, period. Loss of life is bad, period.
This post is about smoking and smoking does both of those things.
(So do donuts.)
Agree with you on all points, Brittany. Of course you’re entitled to be angry about it, of course you are. And I am too – that I’ve lost people due to addiction as well – that we all have.
I *know* this particular one, so I *get it* a little more. I get angry when I hear of drug related deaths too. And I knew someone who drank themselves to death. Someone who was SO loved. Why? WHY? WHY? Oh, it’s so frustrating. So damn frustrating.
I don’t intend to pick on anyone for their feelings, AT ALL. And you’re right, we do make choices. It just sucks SO HARD that stupid decisions we made when we were teenagers (without fully formed brains) can continue to plague us into adulthood. I never would have started had I’d know I’d be here today. And when I see teenagers smoking today? Oh man. Oh man.
It’s an awful thing, have no doubt I agree with you 100% on that.
Nona said it perfectly above: “Nothing makes sense about addictive and/or obsessive behavior, even to the ones engaged in it. There is nothing rational about abusing a substance that will harm or even kill you and can potentially destroy your life and family. ”
I am happy to call my self a non-smoker….though it’s only been 18 days in the making. Smoking never made logical sense. It was a social crutch; it was an isolating habit; it caused me high blood pressure; it was frowned upon by friends, family, and society; it crippled my athleticism; AND, it was my best friend. It was what I turned to in tough times, in good times, and what ultimately allowed me to clear my mind and relax. I smoked for 10 years. Cigarettes were a constant longer than many of my friendships and any of my relationships.
The decision to quit smoking is the hardest decision I’ve ever made and the act of quitting is certainly the hardest thing I’ve ever done because I could rationalize smoking in my life. I could ignore the spending that the habit forced upon me. I could ignore the fact that it was going to kill me one day. I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). I know it is going to be harder for me to conceive and carry a child to full term. When I recently read that smoking decreases your fertility and increases your likelihood to conceive, I couldn’t ignore that. I finally found my reason. To any smokers reading this, find your reason. It doesn’t matter how big or small or how stupid it may sound to another person, find your reason and do it for you.
Tena, I appreciate the tone in which you wrote the article and I respect your views. I can understand the hurt that you and other readers feel when somebody is engaging in a habit that is hurting them and you. Just try to remember to put yourself in the smoker’s shoes. Try to sympathize with the fact that they are hooked. They are not applying logic or consciously trying to hurt themselves or you. They are having to let go of their best friend.
Katie, I certainly did consider how hard it was, especially for my dad. He was in and out of rehab centers until I was 18, so 20 years ago, when he finally conquered that, I layed off of him and his smoking. That’s not to say that I wasn’t still annoyed when he’d smoke knowing his heart conditions, but he had to deal with things as he could, he had bigger demons and I knew that. He stopped smoking on his own (it’s only been about 7 months) and I’m glad that it was on his terms.
Katie: I wish you all the luck in the world fighting your addiction. It’s a very brave thing to do, and I hope you get all the love and support you need to be successful. I hope you never falter, but if you do, don’t give up and don’t beat yourself up. Just try again.
My parents were never smokers, nor have I ever been. Friends, other family, etc, yes. My mom’s husband has had half of his lung removed and still smokes. He thinks it is a secret, but I can smell it a mile away. It makes me mad because I just think SERIOUSLY?! And this is a man who has given up other addictions, but cannot beat this one. I think he’s at the point (he’s in his 70s) that he figures what the hell.
The one thing I know for sure is that no one can beat an addiction without being ready to. And that is the hardest part for all of us bystanders.
You know what this entire discussion makes me want to do? Find those tobacco company executives who testified before Congress that nicotine is not addictive and repeatedly punch them in the junk before having their asses thrown in prison for perjury.
But that’s just me.
me too
I really love this site. I love the article’s about food and clothes and self esteem. I did not love this article and I most certainly did not love the ugly and overly-harsh comments. Man, everybody’s got something, you know? Something they struggle wih whether it be their weight, relationships, depression, addiction. I just don’t see where it’s my place to judge others, obviously not everone feels the same way I do.
I’ve been a smoker since age 15, though I have quit with every pregnancy, and have twice quit for more than a year, I always seem to get sucked back into it. And yes, the comments are absolutely correct when they say that even as smokers, we KNOW how bad it is for us. The only (and I do mean only) upside to my bad habit is that my kids are thoroughly disgusted by it and I don’t think that any of them will take it up, thank god. They see me struggle whenever I try to quit, they hate the smell and are scared by the health risks.
It blows my mind sometimes that I was able to give them up while I carried them, but can’t seem to do it consistently now that they’re walking and talking all around me.
I am currently in the process of yet another quit attempt, but I don’t know how it will go.
At least I’m trying.
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