He Speaks: Insecurities. Men Have Them, Too.
If you look around the web and even in traditional media, there is an abundance of material covering women and their insecurities. We all know there is plenty of material to try and make a girl feel insecure about damn near everything. What often seems to get overlooked though is that guys have many of the same issues. We have many of the same pressures and many of the same complaints. We just don’t usually talk about it.
I, for one, have many insecurities about myself. Some I might be able to do something about and others I am powerless. I scan through some of my wife’s magazines and I see all the imagery that gets so much attention. I look through my own sports and men’s magazines as well and there really isn’t much difference between them. Especially in advertising. All the sexy young models and actors look great in those pictures. I admit, I enjoy looking at most of them. However, what doesn’t usually get noticed as much is the strapping young dudes they are hanging on to. Those candid vacation photos on the beach? Oh yeah we like the bikini pictures, but we also notice how ripped the dudes with the ladies are.
What separates the guys from the girls, though, is that guys never mention how hot the ladies look or how we secretly wish we looked like the male counterparts. Guys seem to get all macho about it. “Aw man, what’s he got that I don’t. I bet I could take him. Yadda yadda yadda…” The words you usually hear out of our mouths are “dude has issues, and I don’t care, whatever, I need another beer.” I’m telling you now this is all a front. We all secretly wonder how in the hell some pale sparkly vampire or a modern day teen wolf can make all the ladies go so damn crazy. As soon as they are half naked, we see it. We see the six pack of abs as we rub our own bellies of jelly.
Never mind the countless of hours they can spend with nutritionists, stylists, and trainers to maintain those physiques. We work for a living dammit and who has time for all that?
A major insecurity men have is regarding size of another meaning. No, I don’t mean wieners, not yet. I’m talking about height. No matter how chiseled and perfect you make your body as a male, if you’re barely 5’6″ in boots, you are often overlooked. No pun intended. Being short as a male is like a death sentence going through your adolescent years and although it gets easier with age, it never seems to get any better. Despite my blessings with great metabolism and natural athletic ability, my height always works against me. What this does is when I find myself in a crowded place and the shady dude walking around is sizing people up, I feel like I am being sized up as a target. A feeling overcomes me in these situations and I often find myself taking extra precautions to be ignored while constantly repeating “keep walking, don’t talk to me” in my head. I’ve been harassed by the shady guys. They either want money or to offer a comment that makes them feel larger and intimidating. Also, I cannot see over all you tall people to find an exit sign. Help a little guy out would you? Before the shady folks get me.
Of course males are insecure about the size of our happy sticks. Well, mostly they make us happy, but that’s besides the point. Although we really don’t know what to compare it against aside from our partner’s reaction. First impressions here are crucial and mind your facial expressions. It might be the one real time we can truly read your facial expressions. Ever want to devastate a man? Spread the rumor, or perhaps knowledge, that he’s seriously lacking where and when it counts.
Bald or balding? Forget it. Loss of hair is not something that can be avoided but men sure do come up with every possible way to get it back on their heads. The only fortunate bald guys out there are those that happen to have a good looking head when cleanly shaved. Even the “manliest” of men are fiercely insecure about a receding hair line, no matter what they may say. I’d guess a balding man spends more time in front of the mirror than one with a full head of hair.
Money. Men seem to be incredibly insecure about the thickness of our bank accounts as well. We are highly competitive in this area. Do you think Ferrari would exist if this were not the case? This is probably the subject that causes us the most worry as well. If we cannot keep a roof over our families heads and food on the table, we are the source of failure.
No matter how someone spins it, male or female, everyone has something they are insecure about. If we all judged people by the person inside, I think the landscape of celebrity and famous would look far different than today.
Men may not be as open with our feelings as our female counterparts, but we express it just as much.
You just have to look a little closer to see it, take a different perspective on how to see that expression. If you do see it, try not to say anything though, we’re a bit more defensive by nature. Just try to find a creative way to reassure us it will never be an issue for you, also.
Patrick
Hockeyman Dad
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“We all secretly wonder how in the hell some pale sparkly vampire or a modern day teen wolf can make all the ladies go so damn crazy”
HA! DAMMIT ANGIE!
Thanks for sharing this Patrick!
:)
You’re welcome!
Personally, I’m more attracted to a sparkling wit than a sparkling vampire. Lol!
And next time I’m blocking the exit sign, just yell “Hey, Stilts, out of the way!”
Assuming you could understand my little mouse voice of course!
My husband definitely has a few insecurities- even though *I* don’t see any of them (or think they are valid) it helps me keep some perspective when he is assuring me I look great before a date night and I feel like an ugly duckling. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks for the comment, we all need a compliment here and there!
That’s why us short girls were created. My husband is, um, 5″9, I think…but he seems tall standing beside me!
So you’re saying I should have married a short girl? Angie will be so disappointed to know you said that. ;)
I love you even more now, Patrick.
PS. “Happy Stick” made me laugh out loud. And then I was like, eww.
I thought it read better than “Thunderbolt of Love”
Ditto this, I love ya for this post, and I don’t think you are short AT ALL, but I can’t speak on anyone’s happy stick.
I have to reach that point when I decide just to shave my head and give into my baldness. That’s when I cross the line and really just look like a psychotic killer.
Comb-over. The day you think a comb-over might be the answer, shave it. I once shaved my head as a kid and everyone asked when I got out of the hospital. So a wig is likely in my future.
Have you tried a pompadour?
Sensitivity is second only to funny. Pangie is a lucky girl!
I think I am the lucky one to be honest.
how nice is he?
I have always admired how you wear your heart on your sleeve. I wish someone that I know would be able to be this way, too.
Haha, do not be fooled by my online openness. ;) Thank you though!
Love this!
Thanks for being so open with us!
Angie, ya got a good one!
Thanks, I like hanging with the ladies of CGG! (especially mine)
I will forever remember when Cody admitted to some of his insecurities. I sat there across from him aghast, but you’re so strong! and smart! and handsome! and you’re a lawyer! and you’re so smart! and your legs are so handsome! and your arms? whoo! and your eyes! they’re so blue! and your chin! it is so manly! The list went on and on.
Yet he sat there and admitted that if that’s how I felt, I did a crummy job of showing it to him. I’ve been trying to do so much better, because he really is that wonderful.
Showing it is the key. Much the same as women require daily affirmation, I think the machismo we males have won’t admit to needing the same things. I believe the key to a happy future is to make sure the person you share your life with just feels appreciated.
Hey Patrick! Thanks for sharing. I have to say two of the insecurity issues you list here I have seen personally. My husband is just over 5’2″ and when he started balding he decided to go clean shaven, which he has a great head for. He definitely sees discrimination on a regular basis because of his height, even though he has been athletic and worked construction for most of his life. People suck sometimes.
Yes, people do suck sometimes. Good for him though having a good head to go totally shaven, I am not so fortunate there.
You know, I think you bring up a good point – because women don’t think about men’s insecurities, we have no problem going on and on about how cute that teenage vampire or hot little dancer or WHOEVER is in front of a guy, even if we wouldn’t be able to handle listening to a man do the same thing in front of us.
“if we wouldn’t be able to handle listening to a man do the same thing in front of us.” whaddaya mean IF? ;)
Ah, Patrick. Well done, Sir. Well said. And yes, all those things make us insecure. But there is a glaring error of omission in your post – one that’s there (or not there, as the case may be) because you haven’t personally encountered it. Yet. That, Sir, is the matter of the invisibility a man achieves, in the eyes of one he finds attractive, due to his age.
I have not experienced age yet. I have a “young” face and still relish in the fact I get carded for alcohol 90% of the time at almost 35. I live in the college part of town as well, so I really appreciate the gesture! However, I know that day is coming sooner than later in other aspects. We both work in IT and its very prevalent there.
I just thought I’d toss my $0.02 in here.
I’ve always thought shorter guys were hot. Until I met my husband, the tallest guy I had dated was 5’8″. And even now, when I see a cute short guy, I do a double take.
We’re out there. We love you. We think you’re hot. And we don’t give a crap what our friends think when we say that.
:)
Well……THANKS!
I think every man has insecurities whether he is big enough to admit them or not. Kudos to you for being confident enough in who you are to admit you aren’t always confident in who you are (does that make any sense at all?).
It does make sense, although I don’t think it’s as much confidence as it is in acceptance in being unable to change some things. Maybe that is confidence? I dunno…..that’s a hard word!
My boyfriend has more insecurities than I do! I think he’s gorgeous, and have told him many times, but he’s always saying he wishes he was thinner or taller. I think he’s the perfect height for kissing without having to strain my neck. I think his body is perfect, he makes me feels safe and secure when he hugs me. He was overweight when I met him, and I thought he was gorgeous then, and he started eating healthier and exercising and has lost a lot of weight and he is even more gorgeous! But he doesn’t think he is, no matter how many times I tell him. I think he never heard it growing up. He was always the chubby one with his friends. Now he doesn’t know how to take compliments, he doesn’t think he deserves them. It something we are both working on, I make him say one good thing about himself every day, and sometimes its like pulling teeth. I’ll just keep loving him and hopefully one day he’ll see the handsome, funny, smart, loving man I see.
Yeah, I know how that goes. I am very similar without the daily affirmations. My suggestion would be to offer those compliments during the most vulnerable and random times. The times where you can show how you feel with action that couples with the words. It’s hard to prove a compliment to someone who doesn’t fully accept them, but your persistence makes him a very lucky man. I’m sure he realizes that!
This is awesome. And so are you.
Thanks Faiqa, I think you’re awesome too!
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